Sunday, July 26th, 2015
Sunday afternoon I had another pain episode that sent Mom rushing me up to L&D again. Seeing how I'm writing this so long after, I can't hardly remember those details. We ended up being there very late and when Mom asked how long we would wait for the doc to come release us, we were informed that I was being admitted since my induction was scheduled for the morning. Also, instead of induction at 10am like it had been planned, my induction had been changed to 6am. I got a room and Mom and Joseph stayed the night with me.
Monday, July 27th, 2015
6am I was given a pill to help my cervix do it's work. 10am I got another pill to help it along. I was a little discouraged that it was taking so long because a 7/27 birthday would be cool =) One of the doctors told me, "If this little one comes by tomorrow afternoon, we would consider that to be very successful!" 2pm came with another pill and I was dilated at 3 and that was a nice surprise. My ankle pain was arriving with a vengeance and so anesthesia was called in to do an epidural so I could stop taking the Dilauded which was making Blaire too sedated. At that time we discussed popping my water at 6pm but when the time came around, all the doctors were too busy to pop the water. In the evening after my epidural had been in quite a while, I noticed that I could feel my right leg. Anesthesia came in and did a test to see how effective the epidural was. My left leg was almost entirely numb but my right leg had "windows" where the epidural was unable to affect. After receiving a light back rub from Ashley, she noticed that there was a huge wet area on my back around where the needle had gone in. Anesthesia was called in again and determinted that the epidural had fallen out. I was contracting pretty regularly and when the guy said, "well, you have two options.1) you can just continue without it, or 2) you can have it done again." Obviously, with foot pain and contractions I immediately opted for another try at the epidural. I was able to sleep the night through with minimal pain.
Tuesday, July 28th, 2015
My mid morning cervix check was 5cm. My contractions were helped along with Pitocin but only at the very smallest dose. Drs came in at 11:50 and broke my water bag. By 12:05pm, contractions were coming hard and fast. The machine showed that they were peaking and the dropping, waiting a minute or two and doing it again, but the machine was sooo wrong! I was having constant 2-3 minute contractions right on top of one another. I quickly got to the point where talking with anyone was nada unless I HAD to answer.
Around 2pm, pain was massive. The epidural wasn't working at all. I told the nurse and she didn't seem to believe me so I said that I was so NOT NUMB that I could get up and walk around. She chuckled and said, "No, you only think you can walk." Shortly after, I was dying. Baby was sitting on my pelvic bones and it was immense... crazy... pain. Way stronger than I'd had with Blake. I laid on my side and shifted from left to right, trying to find a position to be fairly comfortable in. Nothing worked. They checked me and I was at 9cm. That cervix check was SO painful. I couldn't believe how bad this was... and I'm not someone who is a stranger to pain. I couldn't stand being on my side anymore. I instantly, and literally, JUMPED up from my side position and got on my hands and knees to rock back and forth... guess I did have full function of my legs after all! Everyone was shocked! I had to move for some reason, I don't remember why, and was back on my sides, clutching the side rails. I got back on my hands and knees to rock but it didn't relieve any of the pain like the previous time so again I laid down.
My doc came in and wanted me on my back because she said it was time. I moaned and cried, begging to not be moved. The pain of baby pushing on my pelvic bone was worse than anything I've ever dealt with. Just to have someone touch my skin in the lightest sent shooting pain throughout my whole body. I kept screaming at everyone to stop touching me. Mom tried to be encouraging and that was so not cool. I'm pretty sure I told her to shut up at least twice!
Laying on my back with my legs up, trying to curl into a ball, the nurse put the baby monitors on my belly, right over the pelvic bones, right where ALL my pain was centered. I screamed and begged her to take it off because the pain was too much. I told her to put it higher and put it ANYWHERE except there. I begged Joseph to do something. I clutched his shirt and then Ashley's shirt, needing someone to act for me. The nurse put the monitors back on me and pain shot throughout my body again. It seemed that every nerve was on fire. I grabbed the monitors and pulled them off. The nurse put them back on. I grabbed them again and the nurse 'growled' at me to leave them there. I reached down and pulled them off and threw them who-knows-where. She put them back on and held them there as I sobbed.
2:50pm - Dr tried telling me why I needed them there and that I needed to start focusing on baby. I hollered that I knew the reasons and that she just needed to tell me what to do. I've had a baby before, I know how to push and what to do. But, in that moment, the pain was so searing, I couldn't think. My body on fire, everyone NOT helping me, the doctor started to tell me to push and before she could finish her sentence, I pushed. I didn't have that normal feeling like I HAD to push, but I did push. And pushed again. This pain had to stop but nothing helped. No one could touch me. I only listened for my doctors voice to guide me. I pushed again and again and again. I imagined the 2 hours of pushing I did with Blake and the 5 hours Danielle did with Amelia and all I could imagine was a black hole of pain pulling me in. At least this time I didn't think I'd die. I just wanted relief. In those moments, I couldn't think straight enough to realize that the moment she was born, my pain would end. All I could see was that black hole. I pushed again. Mom whispered to me and I didn't listen. I pushed again.
Mom then said, "Amber, She has a lot of black hair! I see her!"
I then screamed at her and said, "Then grab her by the hair and PULL HER OUT!"
That brought chuckles and quiet smiles to certain people in the room.
I pushed again. When Danielle was delivering, the midwife kept saying, "she's right here! I see her!"... for 5 hours... When Blake was on his way, my Mom told me he was right there and I knew she wouldn't lie to me. I knew this time, that if Mom was saying, baby was right there, close enough to see and touch...and to grab her by the hair! haha.
There wasn't that 'ring of fire' feeling nor the rush of her being born. There was just a cease to the insane pain. It was finally gone. Blaire was thrown on top of me and I knew this time to touch her quick because with Blake, when I finally reached up to touch him, they'd pulled him away to quickly so I reached up and placed my hand on her arm.
I pushed for a grand total of 15 minutes.
Dr told me to push at 2:50pm and Blaire came out of her swimming pool at 3:05pm, sunny side up!
Mom says it was instinct for me to get up on my hands and knees because that's the way to turn a baby when she's the wrong way...
Everyone in the room was completely shocked. I didn't comprehend what they were saying, I was just focused on holding her arm. They told me to look at her and I wouldn't. Then they took her away to check her blood sugar and see how she was doing. I laid there. Placenta came next. Then they dug around inside me to get out a clot... now THAT was so not cool but way better than the actual delivery. Then I relaxed as they numbed me up to start stitching away. The nurse was concerned about my reaction to not wanting to see Blaire. Ashley told her that's what I'd done with Blake too. The nurse asked if I even wanted this baby and mom told her "it was a rough pregnancy and a surprise one at that, but yes, she definitely wants this baby."
I was able to clarify later on that I didn't want my
first look at Blaire to be associated with so much pain.
Instead, our first look came a few hours later when
I got to hold her in the NICU after I was feeling
so much better! It's so much better of a memory.
I was out of pain and in the right mindset.
I was finally able to really relax and just lay there... and then my foot pain began.
Within minutes I was writhing around, as much as I could, and crying with the pain. I couldn't believe the epidural didn't work and this pain, that I'd so much counted on being gone, was so present. I asked for meds to help since the epidural didn't. So they threw them at me. "Baby's out, give her whatever it takes!" Fentanyl and Dilauded in large amounts were given and it took nearly two hours to give any relief!
One pain and then another. Mom said that the doctors couldn't believe the amount of pain I was in and that for the meds to take so long, was so surprising to them. "There was no way you could fake that pain, no matter how good of an actor you could even possibly be."
Ashley followed Blaire to the NICU and stayed with her for some hours. She made sure it was okay that she hold her before I was able to and I immediately told her yes. Blaire needs to be held.
It wasn't until a few hours later that I learned my "6lb" baby was actually a "10lb. 14.6oz" baby! Everyone was shocked when she came out a squishy and large baby! How did every doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech guess so wrong that I'd have a 6 lb baby!? Even I thought Blaire was on the small side! Mom jokes that Blaire was wrapped around my spine which is why I was in so much pain and why everyone thought she was so small!
Mom was right, Blaire does have a lot of black hair! Long enough that "if she was born full term, she'd need a haircut as soon as she came out!"
She didn't get the 'cool' birthday of 7/27,
but instead was born the day before her cousin William.
July 28th, 2015
3:05pm
21" long
10lbs, 14.6oz.
~ Blaire Lydiann Bedford ~
