6 Days Old

This evening Dad and I went to see Blaire after Ted stayed with her for a few hours. Her meds were decreased today at 2pm so tonight they'll see how she does with it. This evening while we were there she was definitely more alert and less sleepy. She took a 'boba' and sucked away on it. When it came time to eat, she did pretty well with eating. The nurse wasn't too pleased that she only took 20mls but I see it as improvement =) She spit up some but it wasn't too bad. The nurse, again, wasn't too pleased. Well, I'm not too pleased with her so the sooner she cycles out for a new nurse, the better =)

Since Blaire is now off the lights (except for the one that sits against her back under the blanket or onesie), I got to hold her all afternoon/evening except for when I shared her with dad! It's so fun seeing him interact with her and Blake. He does so well with them. Today he was talking up a storm with her. Too good of memories being made! Blaire is changing so much! So far I don't think she has been too photogenic, but I'm sure that will change with just a little bit of time!

5 Days Old

Mom and I went today to see Blaire and spent most of the day with her! She slept most of the day, but the nurse let me hold her! This was my 3rd time so far and by far the most amount of time I've gotten to hold her. I was "allowed" to feed her at 2pm and 6pm. She slept through the first feeding and so almost all of it went through the feeding tube. She gets to first try the bottle and after 30 minutes of eating whatever is left in the bottle goes through her nose.

She is still under the lights but her levels have dropped and hopefully will be off the lights tomorrow, Monday! Once she is off the lights, she can be held as much as... the nurses will let us. We had some annoying nurses last time around who would not let us hold Blake but this time, I know better how to be adamant that I will hold my baby. =) And, I have an awesome husband who knows better how to be assertive and get what his wife needs =D 

Tomorrow the docs will be decreasing Blaire's dose of Morphine as well. Today she was accidently stretched 6 hours between a dose and by the time 5 hours hit she was getting fidgetty and more sensitive to sounds. Even though she was more symptomatic, she was able to wake up for 30 minutes and be alert, rather than sleeping alllll day like she had been when the dose was 4 hours apart.

Mom took pictures while I held Blaire when she was asleep. Right as mom took the picture, Blaire moved her arm up and covered her face. I sent the picture to Dad because he always had Blake cover his face for pictures. I tried finding one of Blake but was unable to find it in my mass of photos! =D

After a while, Ted & Elaine were able to come visit Blaire. She slept the whole time but it was still good time together with Blaire!

At her 6pm feeding, Blaire finally woke up. Her meds at the time were stretched to 6 hours and so was not so sedated. She stayed awake for a full half hour! Her eyes were still pretty yellow but that should improve as the lights continue to help her. She wasn't interested in taking a bottle at all. She only wanted to look around. Instead of feeding her right at 6 like I was supposed to, I held her and talked to her. The nurse wanted me to stick to the schedule but Blaire was completely uninterested in food. I figured it wouldn't hurt to spend some time with her instead of forcing a bottle on her. The tube would do for this feed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Blake is on the left & Blaire is on the right.

Both these photos were taken when they were each 5 & 6 days old =)
I thought Blaire resembles Blake a ton but as days go on, she is looking less and less like him!
Call me crazy, but I think the feeding tube taped to their faces is TOO ADORABLE!!! =D

They both got to spend days under the blue lights. Even though Blake was 8lbs 7oz, I feel like he looked larger at this age than Blaire does now @ 9lbs and some oz, even though she's got all the rolls!

 

 When Mom and I were leaving Blaire today, the baby in the next bed was clearing out his lungs quite well, agitating her so she was unable to sleep without figetting. When I held her hand, she calmed down. As soon as I let go, she got all figetty again. So, I put the 'boba' in her hand to clutch like a finger and I shook her hand a little as if I was moving and she calmed down. It worked until the neighbor started increasing his cry and then she started moving again. It was a good idea but didn't last too long =)

All The Details

I wrote the events in detail! 

I placed the post in time order on this blog.
Click on the link below :

Blaire Lydiann Bedford- July 28th

4 Days Old

4 Days Old
Daddy holding her up to burp her mid-meal.

We visited her yesterday for a little over an hour.

Joseph gets tired with sitting and I get worn out from being out and about.

It's hard to spend much time with Blaire right now since she is still tanning. We can't hold her til she is off the lights and we still don't know how long that will be.

Dad went to visit her early this morning while we all were still asleep. He commented on how Blaire has the tendancy to get all her wires wrapped around her left foot and pull all the leads off her chest to send the alarms "Blairing!" =)

When Joseph and I visited she was quite fidgetty.

Joseph turned on some quiet piano music and played it above her head to calm her. I noticed that holding her hands and stroking her fingers or placing my hand on the side of her face calms her.

She is having a bit of difficulty taking a bottle and so when she stops sucking the feeding tube is turned on. Being on the feeding tube has helped with her vomiting. Her biliruben levels are on the higher side so she is under the blue lights (tanning) for a while until her levels are lowered. She has the large lights above her bed on both sides and then is also laying on a "bili blanket" to get the most of the lights that she can. Dad said Drs are having a meeting this morning to discuss her treatment and hopefully give us any sort of timeline of being on the lights.

Her symptoms of withdrawl are slightly higher than the previous day so when Joseph and I went, there was no holding her.  Her withdrawl symptoms are:

- sensitivity to light -

- jittery/ shaky- needs to be held/touched in order to be calmed -

- sensitivity to sound - 

- sneezing excessively - 

- yawning excessively -

-

She is on Morphine every 4 hours which is helping with the symptoms and they evaluate her daily to see if she needs more or less meds. Her blood sugars have fully stabilized and her IV has been taken out, so that is improvement!

She is quite the squishy "little" thing! I think some of it is swelling still since she seems to be little less squishy each time I see her. She has a very small bone structure and her head feels so tiny in my hand. Everyone says she's huge! but it doesn't totally feel that way to me. I think her eyes will match the blue of Blake's. I've seen her open her eyes momentarily only twice. That will just have to come in time. She is down to 10 lbs 3 oz, so she has lost 11 oz in the last few days.

I'm getting my meds slimmed down. My ankle and back pain has dropped down to almost nothing. I had a severe ankle pain episode immediately after she was born, but since then, I've had nearly no pain! Mom jokes that I'm allergic to pregnancy =)  While in the hospital I asked the nurse if I'd be able to drop from 3 pills a day down to 2 pills a day of the morphine. She looked at her notes and said that the docs had already done that at 4am. I was surprised but then quite annoyed when she stated that they took the pills down to twice a day but the increased the overall dose to be much higher than I was already on. I wasn't having any pain and they increased the dose without even telling me! I want OFF THESE MEDS! Not to increase them. So, coming home, I'm at the meds I was when I got to the hospital initially. I'm planning on decreasing to two doses when Blaire is 1 week old and will see how it goes.

2 Days Old

She has been here for 3 days now.

I don't even know where to start writing!

I'm heading home today and she gets to stay in her suite for a bit longer!

Miss Blaire is a fighter. She has a rough road ahead of her for a few weeks, but I know God will give her the strength to keep chuggin along! Jaundice set in during the night and she is enjoying her "sun-tan" =) She looks so much like Blake! Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between her picture and his! She puts her toes together and grabs onto the wires just like Blake.

Can you believe this squishy little girl?! I didn't believe everyone when they told me...

10 Lbs and 14.6 oz! 

 Born on July 28th, 2015 without an epidural at 3:05pm

3 hours of intense labor after my water was broken, and then....

15 minutes of pushing.

- - The Event of A Life-Time - -

Sunday, July 26th, 2015

Sunday afternoon I had another pain episode that sent Mom rushing me up to L&D again. Seeing how I'm writing this so long after, I can't hardly remember those details. We ended up being there very late and when Mom asked how long we would wait for the doc to come release us, we were informed that I was being admitted since my induction was scheduled for the morning. Also, instead of induction at 10am like it had been planned, my induction had been changed to 6am. I got a room and Mom and Joseph stayed the night with me.

Monday, July 27th, 2015

6am I was given a pill to help my cervix do it's work. 10am I got another pill to help it along. I was a little discouraged that it was taking so long because a 7/27 birthday would be cool =) One of the doctors told me, "If this little one comes by tomorrow afternoon, we would consider that to be very successful!" 2pm came with another pill and I was dilated at 3 and that was a nice surprise. My ankle pain was arriving with a vengeance and so anesthesia was called in to do an epidural so I could stop taking the Dilauded which was making Blaire too sedated. At that time we discussed popping my water at 6pm but when the time came around, all the doctors were too busy to pop the water. In the evening after my epidural had been in quite a while, I noticed that I could feel my right leg. Anesthesia came in and did a test to see how effective the epidural was. My left leg was almost entirely numb but my right leg had "windows" where the epidural was unable to affect. After receiving a light back rub from Ashley, she noticed that there was a huge wet area on my back around where the needle had gone in. Anesthesia was called in again and determinted that the epidural had fallen out. I was contracting pretty regularly and when the guy said, "well, you have two options.1) you can just continue without it, or 2) you can have it done again." Obviously, with foot pain and contractions I immediately opted for another try at the epidural. I was able to sleep the night through with minimal pain.

Tuesday, July 28th, 2015 

My mid morning cervix check was 5cm. My contractions were helped along with Pitocin but only at the very smallest dose. Drs came in at 11:50 and broke my water bag. By 12:05pm, contractions were coming hard and fast. The machine showed that they were peaking and the dropping, waiting a minute or two and doing it again, but the machine was sooo wrong! I was having constant 2-3 minute contractions right on top of one another. I quickly got to the point where talking with anyone was nada unless I HAD to answer. 

Around 2pm, pain was massive. The epidural wasn't working at all. I told the nurse and she didn't seem to believe me so I said that I was so NOT NUMB that I could get up and walk around. She chuckled and said, "No, you only think you can walk." Shortly after, I was dying. Baby was sitting on my pelvic bones and it was immense... crazy... pain. Way stronger than I'd had with Blake. I laid on my side and shifted from left to right, trying to find a position to be fairly comfortable in. Nothing worked. They checked me and I was at 9cm. That cervix check was SO painful. I couldn't believe how bad this was... and I'm not someone who is a stranger to pain. I couldn't stand being on my side anymore. I instantly, and literally, JUMPED up from my side position and got on my hands and knees to rock back and forth... guess I did have full function of my legs after all! Everyone was shocked! I had to move for some reason, I don't remember why, and was back on my sides, clutching the side rails. I got back on my hands and knees to rock but it didn't relieve any of the pain like the previous time so again I laid down. 

My doc came in and wanted me on my back because she said it was time. I moaned and cried, begging to not be moved. The pain of baby pushing on my pelvic bone was worse than anything I've ever dealt with. Just to have someone touch my skin in the lightest sent shooting pain throughout my whole body. I kept screaming at everyone to stop touching me. Mom tried to be encouraging and that was so not cool. I'm pretty sure I told her to shut up at least twice! 

Laying on my back with my legs up, trying to curl into a ball, the nurse put the baby monitors on my belly, right over the pelvic bones, right where ALL my pain was centered. I screamed and begged her to take it off because the pain was too much. I told her to put it higher and put it ANYWHERE except there. I begged Joseph to do something. I clutched his shirt and then Ashley's shirt, needing someone to act for me. The nurse put the monitors back on me and pain shot throughout my body again. It seemed that every nerve was on fire. I grabbed the monitors and pulled them off. The nurse put them back on. I grabbed them again and the nurse 'growled' at me to leave them there. I reached down and pulled them off and threw them who-knows-where. She put them back on and held them there as I sobbed. 

2:50pm - Dr tried telling me why I needed them there and that I needed to start focusing on baby. I hollered that I knew the reasons and that she just needed to tell me what to do. I've had a baby before, I know how to push and what to do. But, in that moment, the pain was so searing, I couldn't think. My body on fire, everyone NOT helping me, the doctor started to tell me to push and before she could finish her sentence, I pushed. I didn't have that normal feeling like I HAD to push, but I did push. And pushed again. This pain had to stop but nothing helped. No one could touch me. I only listened for my doctors voice to guide me. I pushed again and again and again. I imagined the 2 hours of pushing I did with Blake and the 5 hours Danielle did with Amelia and all I could imagine was a black hole of pain pulling me in. At least this time I didn't think I'd die. I just wanted relief. In those moments, I couldn't think straight enough to realize that the moment she was born, my pain would end. All I could see was that black hole. I pushed again. Mom whispered to me and I didn't listen. I pushed again. 

Mom then said, "Amber, She has a lot of black hair! I see her!"

I then screamed at her and said, "Then grab her by the hair and PULL HER OUT!" 

That brought chuckles and quiet smiles to certain people in the room.

I pushed again. When Danielle was delivering, the midwife kept saying, "she's right here! I see her!"... for 5 hours... When Blake was on his way, my Mom told me he was right there and I knew she wouldn't lie to me. I knew this time, that if Mom was saying, baby was right there, close enough to see and touch...and to grab her by the hair! haha.

There wasn't that 'ring of fire' feeling nor the rush of her being born. There was just a cease to the insane pain. It was finally gone. Blaire was thrown on top of me and I knew this time to touch her quick because with Blake, when I finally reached up to touch him, they'd pulled him away to quickly so I reached up and placed my hand on her arm. 

I pushed for a grand total of 15 minutes.

Dr told me to push at 2:50pm and Blaire came out of her swimming pool at 3:05pm, sunny side up!
Mom says it was instinct for me to get up on my hands and knees because that's the way to turn a baby when she's the wrong way...

Everyone in the room was completely shocked. I didn't comprehend what they were saying, I was just focused on holding her arm. They told me to look at her and I wouldn't. Then they took her away to check her blood sugar and see how she was doing. I laid there. Placenta came next. Then they dug around inside me to get out a clot... now THAT was so not cool but way better than the actual delivery. Then I relaxed as they numbed me up to start stitching away. The nurse was concerned about my reaction to not wanting to see Blaire. Ashley told her that's what I'd done with Blake too. The nurse asked if I even wanted this baby and mom told her "it was a rough pregnancy and a surprise one at that, but yes, she definitely wants this baby."

I was able to clarify later on that I didn't want my
first look at Blaire to be associated with so much pain.
Instead, our first look came a few hours later when
I got to hold her in the NICU after I was feeling
so much better! It's so much better of a memory.
I was out of pain and in the right mindset.

I was finally able to really relax and just lay there... and then my foot pain began.

Within minutes I was writhing around, as much as I could, and crying with the pain. I couldn't believe the epidural didn't work and this pain, that I'd so much counted on being gone, was so present. I asked for meds to help since the epidural didn't. So they threw them at me. "Baby's out, give her whatever it takes!" Fentanyl and Dilauded in large amounts were given and it took nearly two hours to give any relief! 

One pain and then another. Mom said that the doctors couldn't believe the amount of pain I was in and that for the meds to take so long, was so surprising to them. "There was no way you could fake that pain, no matter how good of an actor you could even possibly be."

Ashley followed Blaire to the NICU and stayed with her for some hours. She made sure it was okay that she hold her before I was able to and I immediately told her yes. Blaire needs to be held. 

It wasn't until a few hours later that I learned my "6lb" baby was actually a "10lb. 14.6oz" baby! Everyone was shocked when she came out a squishy and large baby! How did every doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech guess so wrong that I'd have a 6 lb baby!? Even I thought Blaire was on the small side! Mom jokes that Blaire was wrapped around my spine which is why I was in so much pain and why everyone thought she was so small! 

Mom was right, Blaire does have a lot of black hair! Long enough that "if she was born full term, she'd need a haircut as soon as she came out!"

She didn't get the 'cool' birthday of 7/27,
but instead was born the day before her cousin William.

July 28th, 2015
3:05pm

21" long 

10lbs, 14.6oz.

~ Blaire Lydiann Bedford ~

35 Weeks 6 Days

Last night I decided to stretch my MSContin from 6 hours apart to 8 hours apart. I took my late night dose and did just fine with no side effects and this morning I took my 8 hour dose and did just fine! . . . Then the pain kicked in. Massage only made the pain worse and once finally getting the pain to subside some, it came right back. Heat on my back seems to help some, but nothing else helps. So I guess I'll go back to my 6 hour doses like before. The type of pain I'd had this morning was slightly abnormal so I'll just keep that MSContin at 6 hours and try to back off/ down on the Dilauded instead. 

Dr. C emailed me on Friday suggesting backing off to see how things go.

So far it's been a full week that I've been out of L&D for pain! What a victory!! 

It's insane that NO one at UCDavis would give me the spinal injection that would help me. "Only after pregnancy" they all said... I'm so not happy about having to wait so long for pain relief, but I guess God has a plan in all this and I need to get over it and not focus on that... ... =(

8 days and counting!

We're trying to get rid of my parent's pool table. . .  It's in great condition with all it's balls and sticks and is FREE! We need it gone and are unable to transport it so whoever wants it needs to bring 4-6 strong fellas to haul it out... Remember, it's FREE!! Pass the word on! It's FREE!

Once it's gone we will be able to move our living room items into the family room and get settled in some more.

Anyway, 8 days and counting!