23 Weeks 4, 5, & 6 Days - { 24,25, &,26th of April }

Friday we left for Fresno. In the morning, I had my chiro appointment then we ran a few errands in Fairfield before heading out Hwy 12. By the time we got to the gas station on the edge of 12, the worst pain episode I've ever had had begun. We spent the next hour and a half in a parking space. . .
I was in complete agony.
Ice didn't help, it actually made the situation worse. Joseph tried rubbing my back and then got out to come around my side of the truck to try and help from that side. I literally was bawling and nearly screaming from the pain the WHOLE hour and a half. Joseph pulled Blake out of his seat after a while so he could play in the driver seat. Before too long, Blake came over to give me besos and lay next to me and comfort me. Multiple times Joseph was ready to let me alone and drive back home and screw the 4 hour drive to Fresno. He couldn't pull himself away from helping me though. I took my Methadone, muscle relaxant, and Tylenol early and after 45 minutes of the pain not being helped, I took another Methadone and muscle relaxant. It took another 45 minutes for that to slowly kick in. I asked Joseph to chop up a Methadone with his pocket knife so I could sniff it up, but he forgot to bring his knife. After an hour, Joseph's rubbing my back/leg/foot was not helping, he stopped and just held on to me. I can't believe how hard it is to not just deal with this pain, but to watch him watch me. 

This pain makes no sense and Joseph took a 30 second video of the episode to show my doctors since they seem to not take me seriously. 

You hear of my pain. 

You read of my pain.
You give understanding comments and the more I go on,
I'm realizing the severity of this issue can't be comprehend . 

You can't understand this amount of pain because you haven't been through it.
You may deal with emotional or other physical issues but this...
THIS
is on a completely different level.
It can not be compared to ANYTHING you've gone through.
Labor and delivery of a baby on a daily basis would be nearly painless compared to this. 

For any of you wondering:
NO, MY PAIN IS NOT GETTING BETTER.
Read that sentence again.
MY PAIN IS NOT IMPROVING.
I'M NOT ON THE MEND.
I might have a good day or a good week once in a while, 

but that doesn't mean ANYTHING.

The pain ALWAYS comes back full force and then some.
Exercise will not help my pain level.
Eating certain foods will not improve my bulging discs or bone spur.
Going to a certain church at a specific time and going to a specific pastor will not help.
IF God wants to heal me, He will do so...
Where ever he wants, Whenever he wants, and through Whomever he wants.
All your advice makes you look dumb rather than helpful.
My pain is not just a simple little thing that can be helped by your idea.
I've seen Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist....
Your simple solution will not fall on accepting ears. 

This pain makes me...
This pain controls me...

This pain is my demon...
This pain is unbearable...

This...
was the END of the episode when the pain pills were kicking in fully.

Pain worse than this went for an hour and a half...
And this was day 1 of going out of town.

The rest of the 4 hour drive to Fresno went fairly quickly. Since I had taken the double doses of Methadone, it was too much and I dealt with sleepiness and super dizzyness the rest of the day. I was definitely a little high on that med. No bueno but it got rid of the pain so I didn't care.
In previous posts, I've commented about the Pubic Symphysis Disfunction. The dr in training labeled it as the Ligament pain but she was wrong. This pain has spread into my backside too. For me to do anything, sit in a chair and pull my knee up at all will cause extreme pain in my tailbone area. Throughout the weekend that pain got worse and worse. In the mornings I had to move SO slowly out of bed and it was quite difficult.
I tried to finish making my dress with Mom's assistance but in the last 2 days my belly has outgrown the dress! Natalie and I made a quick trip to the mall to find a dress and our prayers were answered (literally) and we found me a great dress! 

During the wedding I used my scooter but for the photo shoot, I was on both feet. It wasn't painful, thankfully, but it was slow and difficult. By the end of the day, my tailbone was VERY pained and my left foot/leg was sooo swollen. By the time we went back to the hotel to lay down, me and Blaire were more than ready.

Nathan and Joseph went out to get Natalie, Blake & I some food for a 10pm dinner. I tried to eat at the reception but the foot made me sick and could only eat a bread roll and a half. Blaire wasn't very happy with me =) I ate half a burrito that Joseph brought me but it didn't settle too well. Blaire was rubbing against my ribs and I was quite uncomfortable from her and something else that I couldn't identify. I rolled over and went to sleep quickly. I think I might have felt so bad was because I went so long without food. I'd had a good breakfast but nothing else til 10pm. I'd had some juice to drink at the reception but nothing else. Dealing with my feet pain and the large pain obstacle of the tailbone was enough to think about. I don't think I multitask very well =)

It always irks me when people around me whine about minor
body aches when I'm right there silently suffering immensely.

During the night I had woken to use the bano and I couldn't believe how painful it was to sit up, put a knee on my scooter and push with the left leg. I though for sure I'd wake someone up with my gasps of air. Sunday morning my hands swollen left me very glad I'd packed all our things the night before. We left immediately after a quick breakfast. Joseph worked at 2pm and we had to get on the road in time. I started cramping by the time we got to Merced. Blaire decided to start Water Aerobics and did not help the situation at all! I laid down and when the cramping subsided a little, I was able to go to sleep and woke up when Joseph took our exit. 2 miles later we got home and once in the upright position the cramping came back full force. I hit the batthroom twice and then laid on the couch since laying seems to help. So far it has helped and the cramping has subsided for now... but Blaire is still exercising.

With the little bit of slow walking on the right foot, it hasn't made my pain worse at all so that has been wonderful! I know it's not the add'tl pressure to cause the major episode because two days previously I'd had another episode similar but at that time I hadn't been on my foot yet.

23 Weeks 3 Days

Blood sugars are doing better today. I super raised my insulin level and that definitely helped. I started using my foot today. This morning I stood on it while making breakfast and since that was good for a few seconds at a time, I started standing a little bit longer. By this afternoon, I started walking.  I took extremely slow steps, making sure my foot was straight and the pressure was being applied evenly. It's definitely different than I normally walk and now can see why I had the tendonitis on the sides of my foot. I typically walk with my foot leaning outward, which makes the tendons have to work extra hard. So for now, I'll keep going slowly and make sure the alignment is right. I don't want the tendonitis to come back. So far I haven't had any additional pain from the new pressure so that is very encouraging.This evening I took a 3 hour nap on the couch. I woke to my foot starting to ache. Joseph put the heat on my foot while I was still asleep and that helped to stave off the pain. 

Major TMI>> Read At Your Own Risk =)

I started to have some strong intestinal cramping again. This is super TMI but that's what this blog is about...
2 weeks I've dealt with the severe intestinal cramping off and on. Joseph and I decided that we needed to take a break and see if abstaining will help the cramping. We went a few days and I had no issues but when we resumed, within 18 hours, my intestinal cramping returned and I spent hours on the toilet in extreme cramping and pain. Not much bowel movement, just severe cramping. We took another few days break and I did just fine. As soon as we resumed, within just a few hours' time my cramping came back severely. We took another few days break, I did fine, then yesterday resumed. Tonight, almost 36 hours or so later, my intestinal cramping has returned... I took some Milk of Magnesia to see if it will help since I'm able to catch the signs earlier this time since I'm awake and not just waking up from it...
Joseph even noticed the pattern, which is saying a lot. The pattern of pain comes within 48 hours of us being together. I informed my dr last week, but will have to again inform her at my next appointment this coming week.

23 Weeks I think? 2 Days

Pain has been visiting but it isn't a very nice house-guest.

I've been miserable and the pain has been taking longer and longer to go away. I spent an hour, literally writhing in pain, moaning & crying, and the pain still persisted. I finally fell asleep exhausted but the pain returned before too long. We have had some long nights and it's so not cool. I've been dealing with cramping as well and it ... well.. is difficult to deal with, to say the least.

I'm tired of being a nice person. When I'm dealing with issues I should get a free pass for everything else in life. Today at McDonalds, I was handed a drink with a cracked lid and caramel sauce, whipped cream and liquid sliding down the side of the cup opposite to me. The cashier KNEW it was a mess and handed it to me anyway saying, "Have a great day." When I grasped the cup my hand became instantly sticky. I annoyed and loudly sighed and said, "Really?" So the dude, who just said to have a nice day, said, "Oh. Would you like some napkins for that?" I responded with,"UM YES. UGH." This dude should have put my drink in another cup which would have been clean and handed it to me like that instead of how he did it. I didn't care one bit for me to respond in that way. That's SO not how I normally respond, but I'm thinking I'm gonna start responding in the way I'm thinking, rather than the way I should.....
I don't feel like dealing with anything anymore, except for dealing with my own issues.

I did have a nice few days of a break last week and that was nice, but it looks like I might be on the up swing now.
Lucky me... I get to go to Fresno for the weekend and deal with insane pain there in a hotel room full of people rather than being at home, which is hard enough to deal with here.

Yes, I know...

God will help me and in His time things will improve...
I know it.
I don't need to hear it.

When I do hear it, I don't hear encouragement.. 

All I hear is your dense thought pattern or
A lack of understanding of my situation as a whole.
I don't need your pity either.
All I need is for you to pray for me...

And for my mom to come wash my dishes again =)

BG levels are on the rise. I keep getting to 250 every other day so I keep increasing my insulin.

I'm so glad my dr is out of the office this week and I don't have to turn in my numbers. It allows for me to do what I need to do to make the insulin changes without added stress.

Aye Yay Yay.... 22 Weeks 3 days

If you've been a consistent reader here on my blog, you'll already know that I have frustrations with the advice nurses in the clinic. I have made progress in the way that my BG reports go straight to MY dr. My other questions, though, are still being bypassed by the nurses. 

I've been having some pelvic (bone) pain and it is very different than Round Ligament Pain. This new pain feels like the pelvic bone is out of alignment (if that's even possible) and it is definitely NOT the pulling pain of the ligament. Yesterday, at my appointment, I brought this issue up to the first doctor who came into the room but forgot to talk to MY doctor about it. Last night I emailed MY doctor asking about my concerns....

Hello Dr. F,

At the appointment today I brought up a concern to
the first doctor who was in the room but completely
forgot to talk to you about it. I’ve been having some pain
 and discomfort (when I move at all) in my pubic area.
The other doctor said that it’s Round Ligament pain,
but I’ve felt that before and this feels Very different.
This feels like the pubic bone is out of whack or something.
I deal with my back being out of alignment and I get my back
adjusted weekly by a chiropractor and this pubic pain is
the same type of pain associated with something being
out of alignment… would you agree this is different
than Round Ligament pain or no? . . . 

-Amber

Hi Amber,

Round ligament pain is quite common during pregnancy,
is typically on either the right or left side. Sometimes women
can get pain in the area of the pubic bone as the cartilage
is stretching and/or separating. During pregnancy, hormones
such as relaxin soften this cartilage allowing the pelvic bones to
be more flexible for delivery. You can take Tylenol for the pain,
but should also purchase a pregnancy girdle or support belt.
If you don't get improvement, then call an advice nurse or
discuss it with the physician at your next appointment. 

Let us know if you have any further questions.

Thanks, OB/Gyn Advice Nurse

Hi "Advice Nurse",

I don't think this pain I have is the ligament pain.
I have experienced the ligament pain and I know what t
hat feels like. This is very different. This pain is present even
if I lay down and just pull my knees into a bent position from
a straight position. Any type of movement causes the pain and
it doesn't feel like the ligament pain. This pain is more deep.
It's not the pulling pain which I've experienced with the ligament pain.
I constantly have Tylenol on board and it has not helped the pain at all. 

Also, this message was initially sent to my physician. Please forward
these messages to her; Especially since you recommend that
I speak with my physician, Dr. F.

-Amber

My appointment yesterday went very well and quickly, except for forgetting to ask my doctor about the previous issue =) The appointment went fast and my doctor is allowing me to see her in 4 weeks, rather than 2 weeks. 

This week, I got back into the game of managing my levels the right way. I was able to give the right information to my doctor (unlike last week lol) and she was pleased with this week's progress. 

After the OB appointment, I sat in the parkinglot with my feet propped up on my outside mirror while I read my book and then took a nap; killing two hours for my next appointment. I had an Fetal Heart ultrasound to make sure Blaire's heart is growing/functioning properly. Everything looked good so I won't be needing another heart ultrasound for her  =) Blaire tends to wake up and get active between 2 & 4pm and then stay active through the evening and into the night. She doesn't keep me up at night but when I do wake up, she is moving. Anyway, my appointment was right at 2pm and I told the tech that she should be waking up soon. Sure enough, 10 minutes before the ultrasound was finished, she started moving and making things difficult for the tech! It was neat how she stuck to her pattern =)

My left foot has been swelling quite a bit lately but has not been painful! My right foot, which has the pain issues and ankle swelling on a regular basis has not had ANY pregnancy swelling! I'm ONLY swelling on my left leg and foot! I'm so very thankful that God has allowed that because that was a source of some of my pain in the last pregnancy: my bad foot swelled on top of the normal pain swelling...

My back and tailbone has been out of alignment and causing some real discomfort lately. Thankfully I haven't been in a lot of pain though!!! I increased the Elavil (anti-depressant) and the Muscle Relaxant and those seem to be helping Mucho!!

My pregnancy with Blake, Joseph was never able to feel him move. I think that made him to not really care about feeling for Blaire's movements. I have put his hand on my belly when Blaire is moving and this time he Has been able to feel her! He doesn't seem to interested still but I'm thinking that might change. I told him earlier that, "She is definitely a 'Daddy's Girl'!" Blake must have just been a 'Moma's Boy.' =)

Now Introducing........

Blake gets the first look into the box to see what gender the baby is!

He's got a secret...

We're having a girl!!!

Joseph mainly chose the name Blaire.

It has been a favorite of his for a long time.
I discovered the name in one of my books and when I brought it up (with the last pregnancy), it was just what Joseph wanted!

I chose the middle name LydiAnn.

Grandpa Charlie's mother's name was Lydia and I absolutely Love him, and her name.

When Kara (my best friend) and I were teenagers we used to write letters to eachother. 

We had a fascination with the Amish and so chose Amish names to go by in our letters.

Her Amish name was Ann.

LydiAnn is a way of naming Blaire in honor of my Grandpa & my best friend Kara.

22 Weeks 1 Day

Blake went home with my mom after shopping. My pain kicked in some, so I'd taken some pills to help out. By 1am, I fell asleep quilting in my chair. Joseph woke me to have me get in bed with him and I put my foot on heat to go to sleep. 

I woke at 8am to my medication alarm and we went back to sleep. 

Joseph then woke up at 1:45pm and he woke me at 2pm when he was about to leave for work. 

We slept solid from almost 2am til 2pm!  

I guess we were super tired from not sleeping much the night before! 

I'm so glad Blake went home with mom! 

I think the reason I was able to sleep so long without waking from pain is because I took 2 muscle relaxants before bed rather than the typical 1 pill... 

I'll try again tonight with 2 and see how it goes. Pain today has kicked in just before 4pm... 

21 Weeks 3 & 4 Days

My foot pain has still been minimal which has been great! On Thursday, though, my back felt like I pulled something. I had stabbing pain randomly and cramping like/aching pain for the rest of the day! It was no bueno. 

I slept well through the night and on Friday around 1pm, cramping started. If I stood for any length of time, I started cramping hard and would have to lay back down. At first I thought it was intestinal cramping and maybe I was constipated, but I was cramping on my sides, top of my uterus, and low front of uterus just above the pelvic bone. The pain would come and go too. If I stayed laying down, I was able to tolerate the pain because it was minimal. But, if I would stand up for any time, the pain was extreme. Mom came over to be with me and to take care of Blake. The pain started at 1pm, and was all done by 6pm. Then, Mom and I were able to go grocery shopping for the next day's party.

My previous pregnancy, I started having major cramps with standing at 25 weeks. This pain is the same pain as then, but this time starting at 22 weeks almost. Last time, I was unable to stand to make meals or to clean kitchen or anything else. This time, it is harder with having Blake and needing assistance for his care. Mom is in town and will be a huge help, I'm sure!