19 Weeks 5 days --> 20 Weeks

We left for our trip (link) on Friday at 11:35pm and arrived in Idaho at about 10am their time (1 hour ahead). I slept most of the night laying down in the car and so my back/foot did very well. We slept most of the day of Saturday and my pain wasn't a problem. Our hotel room had a jacuzzi in it and I think the soak in hot water did my back good after the long car ride. Saturday night went very well, sleeping solid with minimal to no pain. 

Sunday morning I'd taken a preventative Tylenol early in the morning when Joseph left for a few hours and did very well all that day. In the evening, we met up with some friends for about an hour. We sat outside in some hard chairs to visit. My tailbone was killing me (I think I'm dealing with a bruised tailbone from a previous injury mixed with massive sitting during this time period), and my foot pain increased throughout the whole visit. The 10 minute drive back to the hotel I was in a ton of pain, moaning and groaning, receiving concerned looks from Joseph as he drove. I tried to lay down in the car rather than sit because my back, tailbone, and foot were all throbbing intensly. We got to the hotel, I went to lay down, Joseph covered me in ice with my foot and back, and within 5 minutes I was almost in no pain.... The only thing I could think was that my back was pinching something causing the pain and when I laid down flat, it relieved whatever was being squashed or pinched.. We went out for dinner 15 minutes or so after getting back from being in soo much pain. We got to the restaurant, ordered, and my bowel issues started. I scootered my way quickly to the bano and was crampy with no results. Then I felt fine. We ate dinner, dessert, and headed back to the hotel. Once getting outside the hotel doors, I started intestinal cramping majorly. I rushed to the bathroom with minimal results but major cramping pain. I spent the next hour or so, loudly moaning in pain and almost crying while on the toilet from the intense cramping. I'd come out and lay on the bed just to head back to the toilet within 2 minutes. The pain got so bad that I ended up puking in the trash can all the food I'd eaten in the last few hours. In a span of 15 minutes, I'd dropped about 60 points and had Joseph give me a Glucagon injection in my arm while I stuck it outside the bathroom door as far as I could. I then was relieved of some pain enough to lay down. 9pm, gg at 87, I fell asleep on the foot of the bed and didn't wake til Monday morning at 7 when Joseph kissed me goodbye. 

Monday my pain wasn't too bad, but it was definitely present. We drove around Boise city before heading back home. I slept a little of the way but most of the time I was sitting up. My tailbone was KILLING me by Reno. My foot/back was growing in pain and by the time we hit Auburn, my pain was getting very very bad and my bowel issue started up again. I rushed to the Safeway bano and had minimal results with a lot of pain. I took a Tylenol which was one pill over the daily maximum. I rubbed my foot and Joseph rubbed my leg while he drove to Woodland. We borrowed his parents' car so we had to swap vehicles at their house. Tylenol FINALLY kicked in halfway home and I got some relief. 

We stayed up til 5am watching movies and slept in til noon on Tuesday. Today my foot is killing me some more and my back is aching as well. I'd planned to clean up my SUPER messy house, but am stuck on ice in my chair. Looks like Ill be calling a maid (Ashley) =D

This trip was extremely needed. Mentally I'm super stressed out by trying to manage this pain, manage diabetes, worry about my drs responses/expectations, emotionally ignore glib attitudes and complete lack of understanding of my situation, and wonder how B is doing. My levels have been 250s throughout the whole Idaho trip. I've been doing basal testing and I know my dr won't like having minimal to no levels to analyze.... that part I CAN positively wait for... I'm tempted to skip the appointment with her and just do the baby check with the pain med dr on the same day.....

I mentioned previously that we had a jacuzzi in our room and soaking in the hot water helped my back. I woke with bad dreams Tuesday morning and laid in bed while Joseph still slept. I then remembered that being pregnant I should not use a hot tub as it can harm B. I totally forgot about that fact when we were in Idaho. The water was very warm but not hot enough to make me overheat. I haven't felt B move hardly at all since Sunday so I'm dealing with this worry of how B is doing. I've felt some movement but I can't tell if it's actually B or bowel issues I'm still experiencing. My lower tummy has been achy and I don't know if it's related. Thursday can't come quick enough for me to have my ultrasound. 

-19 Weeks-

The first few days of this week have gone very well. I had minimal pain on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning. I was taking the Methadone and Muscle Relaxant but no Tylenol at all on those 3 days. It was so nice, but I kept in mind to not over do it since I was feeling so well! I actually went out, sitting on my scooter, and got the mail with Blake and washed the dishes! It felt soo good to be feeling better. 

Wednesday evening, 4pm I took my pills. By 5pm, the pain had begun in my foot AND back. I had just finished my back treatment with the chiropractor and it felt good, but the pain was not a good sign. I used ice immediately after I felt the pain begin but it didn't do too much good. I was in a lot of pain til Joseph came home from work. He massaged my leg and back and it helped, but I was still on the verge of tears from immense pain. It was especially frustrating to lay there in pain while Joseph did his best, because the last few days had gone so well. I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. I had still taken it very easy. Pain continued through the night and we were up for quite a few hours. When Joseph rubbed the pain out enough we would fall asleep exhausted only to wake within a few minutes to the pain back again for 3 hours. 

Thursday morning woke me the same way. Blake woke up early so we weren't able to even try to sleep in. I iced and heated my foot and back all day with minimal help. I had some errands to run around town that were time specific, meaning I had to do it. Since Joseph was at work, and mom&dad out of town I had no one to help. I didn't think it was important enough to call them back into town to help me. Blake and I ran to 2 stores and then my phone alarm went off letting me know I'd missed my Methadone dose at 4pm. I still had to get Ink from the store, pick up Joseph's car from work and get the car smogged. I had no Tylenol with me and it was super hot out and that just added to my irritations. I'd wrapped my foot before I'd left hoping the pregnancy swelling would stay down and not aggrivate me but by 5:45, I couldn't stand the wrap anymore and had to take it off. I was extremely frustrated with the heat of the day, loading my scooter into and out of the truck 4 times or more with all the stops we'd made, Blake was hours beyond his nap time, because I didn't expect to be gone more than 45 mins maximum. 2.5 hours after we left the house, we came back home. Blake cuddled on the couch with his animals, blankies, and dinner. I grabbed the ice packs and laid in my chair while he watched tv. 15 LONG minutes passed with no feeling of the ice hitting my foot. I tried to use a thinner towel and it was still too thick and blocked the ice. I rubbed my foot and my leg and it was doing nothing. I then borrowed Blake's silky fabric, which he hollered at me for, and used that as the barrier between my foot and ice and finally the ice started seeping through giving me some relief...at least 45 minutes after we got home. Moaning and groaning and praying for my pain to subside, Blake kept coming to give 'besos' because he could see how bad I was. He is so compassionate when it comes to me being in a bad place. My back was still aching strong so I put one of the packs on my back which helped quite a bit. With all the pain during the day, God gave me a fairly good night of sleep. I did wake 2x to take Tylenol before the pain kicked in too bad. Blake came in crying one time so I let him lay in bed with us. He was there more than half the night. Friday morning, Joseph got up to do errands at 8:30am and Blake & I slept in till 11am. Dad came to pick him up since he and mom are taking Blake til Tuesday or Thursday next week. My back is aching and it will be interesting to see what the Chiropractor has to say about it when I go for my treatment this afternoon...after I run more errands... I won't forget my pills this time!

Even though my pain has been STUPID for the last few days, my sugar levels have been PERFECTLY within range! My sensor fell off a few days ago and so I haven't been using it but I'm not having lows and I'm barely going above my range!!! I got all my basals right again =D
I'd emailed my dr asking why she wanted one of the changes last week. She tole me that she thought it was maybe a typo in my previous report and she thought it was odd but made the suggestion anyway. I looked into the email and informed her that it was not a typo, that she must have misread my sensitivity as lunch carb ratio. She replied saying that she saw the email and said that the nurse who copied it had copied it wrong. I HATE WHEN THE DR. SAYS THAT SHE'LL GET THE MESSAGE PERSONALLY AND INSTEAD HAVE A NURSE DO IT. THAT IS NOT DOING THINGS PERSONALLY. The nurses NEVER copy all my information accurately and always leave out my notes of important explanations of information.
I'll be approaching that issue at my next appointment... if I remember. =)

18 Weeks 3, 4, 5 & 6 Days

Thursday we headed up to Stonyford. I dealt with a little bit of nausea on the way up there but it wasn't bad enough to take any meds. I was able to sleep the nights up there but my days were very painful. 

All day Friday, I did basal checks and didn't have any food until late evening. The same day,I attended the memorial for Jeremy Pendell, but wasn't feeling well enough to attend the potluck after the memorial at the church. I went back to the house and Joseph rubbed my leg for at least 45 minutes and I fell asleep for 3.5 hours after the pain finally subsided. I woke for about two hours to visit with the Luna/Cozads and then went back to bed and slept solidly all night. It was wonderful to have no pain or memorable dreams to disturb me. 

Saturday morning we headed home. I was in a lot of pain during the drive and Joseph rubbed my back while he drove. I was to go to Natalie's bridal shower and Joseph was gong to work. By the time I got to the house my pain was insane. I was moaning loudly and on the verge of tears while Joseph unloaded the truck. I laid on my ball to stretch my back, put ice on my back, and Joseph laid the heat pad on my foot. None of it helped until Joseph came to rub my leg, foot, and back. When I was feeling some better, Blake and I headed to Fairfield. He played in the yard and I tanned and relaxed my back. I never got to the point of no pain and when I headed home, I was starting to hurt a lot more. It seems that the Methadone increase hasn't done hardly anything, but the muscle relaxant IS seeming to help the most. I fell asleep with the heat pad on my foot and woke around 6 to take a preventative Tylenol.

Sunday morning I woke up late, of course, we all have been, and my pain didn't start to build until around 1:30. I went to Fairfield in the late afternoon and my sisters in law came to visit. My foot didn't do too bad while sitting down all evening, but when I got out of my chair outside and moved all my things into the living room, my pain started to rise. By an hour later, it is doing very...not good... Thankfully though, only my left foot is swelling and not so much my right, and already painful foot.

18 Weeks 2 Days

Last night, before bed I took the 10mg Methadone, 5mg Flexeril, and 500mg Tylenol. I slept solid til about 8:30am before the pain kicked in. A Tylenol and heat pack took care of that pain rather quickly and pain then kicked in at 3pm! It's been a pretty good day. I'm at my parents' house tanning before I head to the chiropractor =D

I just got my A1C results from my doc.... 6.1% !! That's the best I ever had! By the time I delivered Blake at 36.6 weeks I had FINALLY gotten my levels down to 6.0% ... That's an average blood sugar of 125 =D eek!! I'm so happy!!
I sent my bg's in to the doc today. I only sent ONE day, today's, because I'm making daily changes and none of the other days are relevant. I sent in my notes of what changes I'll be making and why. I hope Dr will say things are good and to keep checking my basals like I'm doing.. =)

I'll post more as the day continues

18 Weeks 1 Days

I was having pain during the night and it was no bueno. On Friday my doc prescribed a muscle relaxant. These last two nights at bedtime I take 10mg Methadone, 5mg Flexeril, and 500mg Tylenol. I've been able to sleep 6-7 hours with no pain interupptions! I am being woken around 8am with lots of pain, but it's better than being up many hours in the night! Ice has not been helping as much so Joseph as been giving me heat pack and that's been helping well! This morning around 11am I was dizzy but was at a high level and that was very odd. I checked my BP (since I recently increased the dosage) and it was the lowest I've ever been! 104/65. I called mom and then called an advice nurse who said it was probably making me dizzy because of mixing the BP med with the muscle relaxant... She said, "DO NOT take those together! Leave a few hour gap between them. Call back if your symptoms get worse." I've dealt with dizziness off and on all day, but the symptoms were not getting worse, they were staying pretty much the same.... Kinda strange.

The last few nights, my levels have spiked during the night so last night I did a basal check from midnight to 4am. That is the hour that I was rising and so increased my basal insulin at that time. This morning was very strange. I had spiked up to 250 and was there most of the day, despite a new injection and new vial of insulin. Maybe I'm hitting some resistance?? I was not taking more insulin than I needed to get back in range and it was very surprising to find that I went low. With that low, nausea kicked in and left me unable to eat. The nausea persisted for a few hours and when it finally did go away, heartburn kicked in making me feel like puking! lol anyway,  I used a Glucagon injection which spiked me to 135 but didn't prevent me from dropping right back down to 80. By the time I hit 80 I was able to eat and did so. I'm raising my basal insulin for tomorrow at all hours and will do a very close eye basal check. My sensor is working now! Hallelujah!! It's been accurate all day. I used both my devices and both my transmitters to see if they could be accurate because of the issues in the past, I wanted to be able to compare results. The levels were in range but my old device was unable to pick up the signal from the sensor. I'd called Dexcom tech support to ask questions about the transmitter/device not working and he gave me the steps to take in order to find out which was inaccurate. Through his advice I am able to see that it is the device and not the transmitter that is at fault. I'm so glad I finally have a CGMS which works for pregnancy!!!! It has definitely been aggravating to see being above 200 for most of the day though =(

My pain has been minimal today which has been great! Maybe the increase of Methadone, maybe the addition of the muscle relaxant, Flexeril...

Ted & Elaine (Joseph's parents) came to visit today since I was feeling well. They brought me two Daffodils from their front yard and they're so pretty! They always remind me of Grandma Dorothy because she always had them planted around the Oak trees in her front yard =) Ted washed my dishes and that was a huge help! He also made me some (pottery) mixing bowls which are so pretty and perfect for mixing! Elaine brought some clothes for Blake. They took Blake out to get an Icee from the gas station and then the 3 of them went to play at the park! While they were gone I was able to make some important medical/insurance phone calls. When I went low, Ted was already to head home and I told them they needed to stay til I recovered. I then texted Dad asking him to come babysit me so they could go home. Dad came, they left, and I was not feeling well so Dad took care of Blake while I rested in my chair. I was able to take a tiny nap which helped get rid of the heartburn and nausea. It was nice to have his help =) Later in the evening, Jocelyn came and brought us dinner! It was such a blessing to have her offer and I greatly appreciated the effort she went through to make and deliver it! She also brought me a surprise bouquet of white flowers! After everyone left I trimmed the bottoms of the flowers and joined them with the bouquet that Blake chose/Chad bought for me last week. Now I have one large and very very pretty bouquet sitting on my piano where I can see all day long!

Emotionally this has been the most difficult week so far. Even though the pain is not super super bad, it's getting hard to be okay not understanding why. I know God is in control and He will do what is best for me, but it's still hard. The stress of life is no bueno and am trying to stay focused on Him and look forward to the adventures in the near future!

At the end of the month, Joseph and I will be driving to Idaho so he can test/interview with Idaho State Troopers! I'm very much looking forward to that relaxing trip with just Joseph. Last time we went I was 7 months pregnant =)

17 Weeks 6 Days

Another rough night with hours of massage and ice. Joseph is working some overtime today and Blake is with Grandma Lisa. I'm home doing basal checks, icing my spasming back (it feels like its actually twitching and is making under my ribs ache cuz it's wrapping around from the back), heating my ankle, laying uncomfy on my tummy, and listening to some great Bible teaching =) tfh.org - go to Sermons : Know What Love Is . My levels have been funky for a few days and I've been ignoring them since dealing with so much other stuff. Today, I'm fasting (starving!) and doing the basal check. The morning basal is fine and the rest of the day I've been at 180 =( ugh. This is going to take a few more days. It so aggrivating that I have to send in my bg's every wednesday because sometimes 1 week isn't enough to do checks, changes, and double checks. It's a dumb method but whatever. I have a headache that's been forming half of the day and I'm so hoping that it doesn't grow. I read the label for the anti-headache meds just prescribed to prevent headaches before they come, and the medication states that it should ONLY be use if absolutely necessary during pregnancy, and of all the health problems listed, headaches are not among them... So I'm wondering if I should really be taking this medication! This is so confusing.
Basals did fine in the late evening and I'll be checking them again tomorrow. No lows and no major highs! Finally I'm within an okay, but not fantastic, range.
My back and foot did pretty good today. My foot started hurting around 5? and I took a Tylenol. No major pain after that though. I wonder if the muscle relaxant at 4 helped that at all... I guess I'll have to keep trying it.

17 Weeks 4,&5 Days

:: I'm beginning to detest life ::

The only enjoyment I'm getting right now is driving to the radio, cuddling/sleeping next to Joseph, and playing (the little I can) with Blake.

Did I mention previously that I've only made one meal for my family , aside from fresh smoothies, bowls of cereal, and PBJ sandwichs, in the last full month? .... We're living off those because I can't stand long enough on one aching leg to cook meals? Even on the scooter it is still very difficult...

Wednesday night, I had a hard time falling asleep and had a semi painful night. I woke the next morning, Thursday, not ready to go to my OB appointment. I was very tired but was able to leave the house right when I needed to. At the appointment I planned to switch from this clinic to a different clinic due to not liking they way this clinic manages the T1Ds. On the way to the clinic, Mom and I talked on the phone. She was coming from Grandma Audrey’s house and planned to meet me. We ended up pulling into the parking garage at the same time! She was right behind me. The appointment went very well. Dr seemed less intimidating and take-charge as she usually is. Mom and I recorded the conversation so that we could listen back and remember with better details. For now, I’ll be staying with this doctor and clinic. Dr said that she can compromise and be fully in charge of my levels, meaning that NO other doctor will be allowed to see me, suggest insulin changes, or anything! I think that will help a lot and the dr also said that I am still the one to be in charge of my pump. She will never force me to make changes and will not take over the situation entirely. That definitely eased some of my concerns. I was able to ask a lot of questions and asked what the benefits were to staying in this clinic vs. changing clinics to have a different management system. I still believe the other clinic would be better, less stressful, but am hesitant to change clinics since I’m on so much medication and they know all my history. If I changed, I’d have to explain everything all over again multiple times and that’s a hassle. I will stay with this Dr for now and see how everything goes. I have some more information in general about how this dr works, how she will let me choose my health options, and how the hospital runs, so I think things will be fine. My concerns are less and dr is fully aware of them so I’m pleased with that. Baby was too active to hear the heartbeat long enough by Doppler. They brought out the ultrasound and I got to see B. B waved and then continued to flip and roll all around! Quite active and I couldn’t feel any movement!! That evening, I relaxed at home while Joseph did dishes, laundry, cared for Blake, and everything else that needed to be done around the house. I always feel bad that he is doing so much, but I know that I’m not able to do most of that. Late evening I was in a lot of pain. During the night, I was up a lot and used ice packs on my foot and back which helped only minimally.

Friday morning I had a second dr appointment to get refills of my medications. I had a 10:30 appointment but because I was in SO much pain during the night I called to reschedule my time slot for later in the day. Between midnight and 10 am, I’d maxed out on the daily maximum of Tylenol. I’d taken Methadone 2 hours early than my dose was due. I went to the chiropractor for my back treatment and was in minimal pain during that time. Once it was over, my pain resumed and Joseph, Blake, & I headed to Sac for the appointment at 1:50. My foot was very much swollen and throbbed so I rubbed it most of the drive there, all in the waiting room, and through the entire 1 hr dr visit. It was not letting up. At the appointment I expected to not need to increase my dose of Methadone, even though I’ve had some bad days or nights where I’d needed an additional dose. When I told the dr, she was surprised that I needed another increase. I asked if I really did need an increase and she said, “Well if you’ve had 4 days in the last week and a half, where you’re taking extra doses and maxing out on Tylenol, then yeah, you need more because we are supposed to be able to cover your pain completely without the need of ice, heat, and Tylenol. She said that normally women in pain have less pain during pregnancy and it doesn’t make sense that I’m experiencing more pain even though I’m on major meds. She couldn’t seem to comprehend that my pain is mostly my foot and not my back.  I was quite annoyed at the end of the appointment because it seemed like she expected me to have the answers to my pain. I was adamant that I didn’t know the causes, and multiple specialists over the last 10 years couldn’t find the source of my pain either. She was at a loss of what to do. She said she will not increase my Methadone any more. This is the highest dose I need to be on by the time I deliver. She wants me to pressure my sports med doc into finding the answer and treat me better. I told her that I want him to look at the MRI but I don’t really expect him to find anything. I also said that I think I have a pinched nerve because of my symptoms from 3 years ago up to now. She said “Well pinched nerves are very common in pregnancy” and I responded, “I’m not talking about during pregnancy. This pain is the SAME EXACT pain that I’ve dealt with for YEARS! This is nothing new! My pain is increasing because I’m unable to get rid of my swelling at the ankle joint and that is the only way I’ve been able to be nearly pain free in the past. It’s not unusual for my pain to be like this. I just need your help to cover the pain best we can because I have no answers.” Anyway.  It was a super stupid visit and I left extremely irritated.  I feel like they look at me as someone who’s mental and just looking for drugs to take and that my pain isn’t real. Even my foot dr said, “Oh you have a bruised bone. This MRI shows that and validates your pain.” …..UGH

That evening, my pain was on the rise. We had plans to go to Lodi and visit family but everyone’s plans fell through. It ended up being a good thing that all the plans went kaput because my pain was massive. Evening and all night long, I was moaning and nearly in tears numerous times. Ice wasn’t helping a ton, Joseph’s massage helped a lot but I was still at crying level, barely holding it back. I don’t know how long Joseph was awake massaging me but it was a long night for both of us.

Saturday has been a stupid day for the most part. This pain has finally subsided after 4pm for no apparent reason except for possibly the muscle relaxant I took at noon and the additional 5mg Methadone at 4pm.  My fuse with Blake is extremely short and I’d sent him to rest in bed when he was whining excessively.  I’m super ticked off. I’m annoyed with these doctors and how they make me feel (really) crazy. I’m irritated from being off my foot and still having so much pain. I’m irritated because of using either crutches or the scooter (which is super helpful) is so cumbersome and just irritating! I’m sick and tired of all these stupid situations. I know God has a plan and will reveal it in His time (or not, Paul never knew) but in the meantime, I’m having a difficult time. I’m so ready to check out. I don’t want to talk to people, hear from people, know people even exist. I want to take off with Joseph and Blake and just be gone.  I don’t want to be stuck in this situation. I want the days to fly by with barely a memory to remember, just so my days are over. I’m so just done with this experience. B needs to grow quickly, come semi early, and let me be done with all of this. With my last pregnancy, I felt like this at 30 weeks… I’m only at (almost) 18 weeks.

I want to get back to sleeping at night. 

I want to get back to living during the day. 

I want to get back to minimal pain. 

I want to get back to me.