32 Weeks 6 Days

Pain persisted from about 2am on through the whole morning. It wasn't super intense but it was enough to keep me up more often than not. Joseph was able to have a break of massaging and I was able to massage for the most part. The pain stayed at a level 7 but wasn't rising so I was doing okay. Joseph wanted to go to church and really really try to get there this week. We haven't been in about 5 months and I agreed to do my very best to be ready. I crawled downstairs and rolled on my scooter to the table for breakfast. After breakfast I rolled back to the stairs, crawled up, and crawled into the bathroom to fix my hair so we could leave. Pain immediately spiked up to a 10 and I crawled to the bed for Joseph to massage my leg. It wasn't too long before I had Dad, Joseph, and Mom all massaging my back, butt, and leg. They all worked hard while I clutched the pillows and mattress in immense pain.

  After about 45 minutes of pain and additional medications we headed to Sac for the L&D. Instead we went to Vacaville ER because I didn't think I could stand the pain for that long. I was wheeled into the waiting room while Mom or Dad checked me in. They both explained my situation of my back causing pain to travel down to my ankle and how bad it was, cuz you know me crying and constantly shifting in the wheelchair wasn't enough. A nurse came out and looked at me and asked, "Why are you holding your foot?" I then proceeded to scream at her saying, "BECAUSE IT FRICKEN HURTS!" 

We waited in the waiting room for at least 30 minutes. A woman who was waiting to be seen ahead of me went up to the counter and asked, "Can't you do anything? She is obviously in a ton of pain out here!" According to Mom, the woman was almost in tears asking if I could be seen. Another time she went up and asked if I could be taken in to be seen because it's causing more people than just Me, Mom and Dad to be emotional watching what was happening. Of course the receptionist said, "I understand but she has to wait for the nurse to come out." A little while later that woman's name was called and she asked if I could be seen and she would wait longer. They denied her and she was taken back. All the while I'm standing on my left foot, letting the other foot hang in mid air since I couldn't set it down, bending over to try and stretch my back so that Dad could massage deep into the exact place my pain was stemming from. 

By the time I was finally called back my pain had started to wane just the tiniest bit. All my pills from an hour earlier were starting to kick in. My pain had dropped from a level 18 to a level 15. I laid on the bed while Dad stood next to me massaging deep. The nurse checked my blood pressure and temperature and walked out to talk to the doctor. Crying black tears all over the place, we waited, Dad massaged, Mom cried, and slowly the pain continued to back down. 

We waited 45 minutes at least waiting for some help. Pain finally got down to a more manageable level 10 and we decided to take the drive to UCDavis to get help there. On the way out of the hospital, one of the other patients in the waiting room asked Mom if I was doing better. She gave him a thumbs up. Baby definitely slowed down, probably due to the flood of drugs in our system, and I wanted to make sure she was doing okay. After that first nurse left the room, NO ONE came in to check on anything. They dropped us off in the room and abandoned me. So, we left. 

I laid in the back seat on pillows and ice. At UCD they saw me within 5 minutes. The pain had dropped to a level 8 and was holding for the most part with random stab pains in my ankle every few minutes.

After a woman-in-training failed with two IV inserts, I asked if the meds could be delivered by injection instead. The meds kicked in about 15 minutes later and they went straight to my head and made me high with minimal effect on my foot pain. We spoke with the doctor I had seen when I was admitted in Dec. She is one of the ones I actually like haha. She explained things in a much better way than any other doctor of why our options are so limited and why we can't deliver yet. She seemed to understand my situation very well and showed much compassion for what I'm going through.

When they were ready to release me, pain started to rise. We decided to stay longer, take my 6pm meds, and see if they'd help. That way, if they didn't help then I'd be there for assistance. Pain leveled out at about 6 and still the random stabs continued. We headed home after getting dinner in the cafeteria.

At home I immediately hit the couch and put ice under my back. Hopefully tonight will go better than it did last night.

I'm still praying. 

32 Weeks 5 Days

Yesterday went VERY well. Today though, is not as good. I had an hour and a half of pain during the night. Today I've spent all day on the couch laying down on ice. It has helped quite a bit but pain is still present at a level 7. I was able to take a nap for almost two hours this afternoon!
When I've sat up or stood up today (non weight bearing on my right foot) the pain has come back quickly so laying down is definitely best. Looks like mom's couch will be my home for a while!
4 weeks 2 days to go!!
Dr.F said I could deliver at 37 weeks due to all my pain. 

32 Weeks 4 Days

I went to bed, exhausted, at midnight and slept ALL NIGHT LONG!!! 

(Except when I had to wake up to take medications.)

I woke in the morning with a little bit of a throb in my foot which Joseph willingly rubbed out, but the pain never intensified! I decided to risk walking on my foot and let Ivory use my scooter since she injured her foot. The walking was minimal though and when I went to my ultrasound appointment and the pharmacy, I used my scooter to not wear myself out and do too much.

The ultrasound went well. Blaire is doing well and still measuring about a week ahead of schedule but that's not alarming. She weighs about 4 lbs now! According to the ultrasound tech she has some hair growing on her head!!! I"M SOOO EXCITED!!! And she has some super fat little lips!! =D So adorable! I can't wait to see what she looks like!

Some of the outfits I ordered for her came in today and was excited to open them and show them off! I received my 'thank you' cards in the mail so I can start sending them out for my baby shower gifts. Ivory is still working on her wedding thank you's so we will be working together!

For weeks I've been trying to get to see Pain Management to hopefully be able to do a steroid injection in my back or nerve block in my leg to help my pain decrease. Pain Management is out-right refusing to see me. I got an email today from my OB Dr. F who reached out to her friends and sent an email stating that the doctor in P.M.(who is refusing to see me) said that he would agree to review my MRI's and nerve conduction test but I need to give the CD's to my OB and she will pass them on. He still won't see me in order to get the images or speak with me! And now that my pain has turned such a fantastic corner, I'm thinking I don't even need to see them anymore.... All that hassle and when they're finally/slightly willing to see me, I don't even need it... How crazy is that! Even then, if he reviews the images, he will not do any procedures while I'm pregnant, but is willing to come see me as soon as Blaire is born. No one is understanding that (if it follows the same way my pain went with Blake's pregnancy) my pain after delivery goes down to almost nothing. I shouldn't even need any procedures after delivery, it's ONLY during pregnancy that I deal with this pain!

Aye ya ya!

Well, I'm very thankful that God is giving me a huge break and I'm praying that He will allow this to continue until delivery and beyond!

32 Weeks 3 Days

The last two weeks have given me the most pain I've dealt with yet. It's constant and intense. I've been in either the Vaca ER or Sac L&D almost everyday and there was one day that I was there twice.

Last night found me in L&D again for the same old foot pain. There is always a nurse or doctor who thinks I'm in definite labor! Dad took me the previous night but mom came with us this time. I had a good and sympathetic nurse and doctor which was very nice since the night before I had very sarcastic and callus doctors and nurses. My pain last night wasn't a very high level. Mom massaged my foot and leg the entire drive while I laid across the back seat with pillows and ice under my back. I was at about a level 8 pain but it wasn't super intense. As I waited for pain meds and spoke with the doctor, explaining the situation yet again, the pain rose and the doctor acted fairly quickly. Within 20 minutes of the injection of meds into my butt (Dr C's orders are that I'm not allowed IV meds anymore due to risk of dependance) my pain was gone from my upper leg and slowly working it's way out of my calf and by 35 minutes out of my foot almost completely! This was the first time in probably the entire pregnancy that I've been this pain-free. 

I had been texting Joseph and he said that he really wants to make it a point to go to church this weekend. It's been 5 months that we haven't been able to go because my pain has been keeping me home during service times. He texted that he feels that God is leading him back to The House and that we have a lot of people praying for us, but we haven't contacted our pastors. He sent an email to them asking for prayer.

When we got home, I emailed both my pain med doc and my diabetes doc, Dr.C and Dr F. I explained how I'm totally at the end of my rope. How I'm desperate for help and during these pain episodes I'm praying for relief in the form of death. I'm not the type of person who is looking for attention and being dramatic and saying these things, this is really how bad the pain is and it seems no one is able or willing to do what is necessary in order to help me. How will I bear the next 8 weeks if I can't bear one day at a time? ...

Joseph received an email from Pastor Joseph within 2 hours of sending his message for prayer around 10pm saying that he will be praying for our situation, pain, healthy baby and all. He forwarded the message to the rest of the pastors making sure they all received it.

I headed to bed after sending the emails and my pain started to kick in. Joseph got my ice and heat packs and put them behind my back and under my foot. He started to massage my leg and within a half hour I fell asleep. Joseph has been sleeping on the floor next to the bed because he is afraid that if he rolls or moves in his sleep, I'll wake up and pain will start again. I told him that tonight I wanted him to sleep with me. I hate waking up lonely in a big empty bed. Once I fell asleep, he laid on the floor to sleep. After an hour or so, he said I started moving around in my sleep so he got in bed with me and I stopped moving. . . . Can you believe I slept solidly from 12:30am til 8am when my alarm went off?!!?! 

I looked back at yesterday's notes and pain medication timings to see what I'd done differently that could account for the drastic change during the night... Joseph suggested it was prayer.

 I received an email from Dr.C by this morning stating that she has contacted people by phone and that she hopes things will start going through. I had my NST and OB appointments which Mom drove me to. When I got to my appointment, Dr F came in and said how she called her friends in certain offices and said if they don't contact her with the info she asked for, then they've got it comin by 5pm. Dr. F is a very intense woman and intimidates everyone LOL! According to her note after leaving the appointment,  I should be hearing from Pain Management and Pain Clinic soon. She also said I should email them and ask why they're refusing to see me when they haven't seen all the imaging and test 

results.

This afternoon went well. I was sitting on the couch getting ready to get comfy and all of a sudden I felt odd... I couldn't tell if it was a constipated feeling or contractions. With Blake, I never could tell if my belly was getting hard. Even while laying in the hospital in labor and the monitor spiking every few minutes, I couldn't tell! So anyway, I rushed to the bathroom and nothing happened and after some cramping and a few minutes, I headed back to the couch. In just a few minutes later, the pain was back! I rushed to the bathroom... and nothing happened. I came back to the couch and as I sat there upright, pain came back.I headed back to the toilet and mom touched my belly and said how it was quite hard... I started timing my pain and duration. For the next half hour, while sitting "comfortably" on the toilet, pain came every 4 minutes and lasting 2-3 minutes between. The pain was so intense I was extremely close to throwing up! Panting and breathing rhymically, the pain spread from the pelvic floor, up the sides to the top of my belly. I still couldn't tell if it was uterine or intestinal! haha. Nothing went into the toilet so I had Joseph buy some Milk of Magnesia (cramp free laxative) and it didn't seem to do anything! An hour sitting on a nice chair without a bottom, I headed back to the couch. Being upright and sitting on my bottom, the pain started to return! I promptly laid on my right side and my tummy stopped cramping and hours later, only returns when I sit upright or sit on my bottom =)

Two days ago we moved (everything except our kitchen sink) into my parents house. That way Blake and I have 24/7 care. Until a room can be cleared for us, Mom and Dad have given Joseph & I their room. Blake sleeps in my old room with my Mom =) We don't know how long we will be here. I expect the whole pregnancy and even quite a bit of recovery time depending on how I'll be doing. Because I'm looking at surgery on my ankle and possible procedures on my back, we might be here a few months at least. It's weird living in a house full of people again! Joseph brought our tv over and when I came into the house today after my appointment, Dad was watching tv, and Joseph &Chad had each of their own tv's on the left and right side of Dad's while they played their games! haha

The rest of today my back and pain level have been quite a bit less than all the other days these last two weeks. I've only needed massage once and that was due to restless leg syndrome and some foot ache from moving it too much!
Joseph and I had planned to go to church tonight for the worship service but my cramping episode took up that time instead =(

Joseph has received some more messages from our pastors... which I'll post...  CLICK HERE!

"Are There Any Sick Among You?"

Dear TFH Pastors. 

My wife and I are expecting baby #2 in August, but the pregnancy has
brought on complications that we did not expect and it is becoming
too much. My wife, Amber, has suffered from a chronic foot pain for
11 years which came from when she used to be a swimmer. Over the years
different doctors have looked at her pain and have never been able to diagnose it.
They always gave her pain medications that would temporarily take the pain away,
but because of the pregnancy she had to stop those medications and was put on
some which are baby friendly. Unfortunately the medications are not taking the
pain away. In fact, the pain is intensifying. My wife did her own research regarding
her foot pain and was led to believe that the pain is coming from a pinched
nerve in her back. The doctors did some tests and determined this to be
accurate. There are a few things which can be done to alleviate the pain, for 

example a nerve block, but no doctors are willing to do the procedure because
of the pregnancy and the unknown affects to the baby. The doctors that she is
currently seeing are out of ideas as to how to deal with the pain. They keep
referring her to Pain Management but, that group will not see her again because
they did an earlier diagnosis which was not accurate and they do not believe the
recent findings of the other doctors. The last 2 weeks have been especially
difficult, the pain has increased in her foot, going all the way up her leg to her
back. She describes the pain as needles randomly stabbing her. We have been
to the emergency room 3 times and Labor and Delivery twice in the last week
in order to get some relief from the pain. It has come to the point where my
wife wishes she were dead  because of the intensity of the pain. We have not
slept in nights because the pain will last all night long. This is wearing on my
wife, and I am not sure how much longer she will last. We are constantly
 crying out to God for help, guidance, relief, etc. It is frustrating when Amber
is in so much pain but the doctors either don't do anything and occasionally
don't care. They do not know what she is going through. My wife is
frustrated with constantly explaining what is wrong with her while she is
writhing in pain so bad that she is asking God to take her life. We have not
been able to go to church for the past couple months because the pain is too
 bad to do anything. We know that God has a plan, we know that he can heal,
we are at the end of what the doctors can or will do, the only way left is for
some sort of miracle. So I told my wife that we need to ask for the leaders
to pray for us and she reminded me of this verse-
James 5:14 "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the
church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord."
So I ask that the leaders of TFH pray for Amber, and that God will take the
pain away, it is too much for her. I ask that the leaders pray for the doctors
that are caring for her, that they show compassion, understanding and a
passion to help her. I feel like my prayers are so small and little, we need
an army of prayer warriors and leaders to take up our case before God.
Thanks for the time, please pray for Amber.
The baby is a girl, and her name is Blaire,
Amber asked me the other day if she was worth this pain... 

Your brother in Christ,

Joseph Bedford

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph,

So sorry to hear what you're going through.  We'll be praying for sure. Praying for healing, a total release of pain, and most of all, the safety of 

Amber & baby and a safe, happy delivery when all is said and done. 
Also praying grace for you, man

-Pastor Joseph

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph, 

Thank you so much for the email.  I will absolutely mention this to our
pastors and we will be praying for Amber and the baby.  Nobody should
have to endure that much pain.  I would also like to recommend a booklet if
she’d be up for a brief read.  I suffered with pretty severe lower back pain for
9 months due to a car accident.  One night, I saw this book on my shelf
and felt led to read it.  It honestly changed my life.  After reading it that
evening, I took communion and prayed for healing.  The very next morning,
my back pain was nearly gone.  I’ve put a link to the book here for you
but if you don’t kindle, its titled
“Health and Wholeness through the Holy Communion”.  

-Pastor Tim

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph, 

We would be honored to pray for your wife and believe for healing.
Please plan on bringing her to a service, this weekend if possible, and
let us lay hands on her and pray in faith. The verse you quoted instructs
us to "anoint with oil” so that’s what we will do. 

Please introduce yourself to me or any of the pastors in regards
to this matter. They are all CC’d on this email. 

Believing for healing! 

Dave Patterson

Lead Pastor

The Father's House

32 Weeks 1 Day

I've had two days in my entire life where it was too much.

I've had two days where I begged God to kill me right then and there 

rather than going about it in a slow and painful manner.

The first day I sincerely prayed to die was the day Blake was born. 

I didn't expect to live through delivering my baby 

and I never expected to meet my son while he lived.

Today was the second day. 

32 Weeks 0 days

Pain, more pain, and even more pain. Days are typically 'okay', but overnights and waking in the morning are severe. L&D knows me and when I come in, they say, "Here for your foot again!?" 

I'm experimenting with increasing, per dr's orders, the MSContin to two pills at bedtime and then two additional during the day at 8 hour intervals. Last night Joseph and I were up from 11pm all the way through 7am before any relief was found. Stacking Percosets on top of eachother didn't do a darn thing to squash the pain. Noon found me in L&D. . . 

No news is definitely an indicator that no good is goin' on in our world.

Blaire is doing pretty good though.  A little less active than dr's want to see but they say she is subdued some because of all the pain meds I'm on. 

4 L&D/E.R visits in the last two weeks for severe pain.

Dr. T (foot doctor) last week released me to Pain Management since the problem is "no longer a foot issue. It's all coming from the back" but Pain Management sent another denial to the request to be seen. P.M. is Refusing to see me, stating that their initial assessment (before the Nerve Cond. Test) was thorough enough and that they do not agree I'm a candidate for a cortizone injection in my spine (as Dr T ordered) or any type of nerve blocks. So I'll be going up to my spine Doc in the north to see what he has to say. OB and foot doc here are on board, but the people who would be doing the procedure, PM, refuses. Talk about frustrating... especially when you are dealing with the most severe pain episodes yet...