23 Weeks 4, 5, & 6 Days - { 24,25, &,26th of April }

Friday we left for Fresno. In the morning, I had my chiro appointment then we ran a few errands in Fairfield before heading out Hwy 12. By the time we got to the gas station on the edge of 12, the worst pain episode I've ever had had begun. We spent the next hour and a half in a parking space. . .
I was in complete agony.
Ice didn't help, it actually made the situation worse. Joseph tried rubbing my back and then got out to come around my side of the truck to try and help from that side. I literally was bawling and nearly screaming from the pain the WHOLE hour and a half. Joseph pulled Blake out of his seat after a while so he could play in the driver seat. Before too long, Blake came over to give me besos and lay next to me and comfort me. Multiple times Joseph was ready to let me alone and drive back home and screw the 4 hour drive to Fresno. He couldn't pull himself away from helping me though. I took my Methadone, muscle relaxant, and Tylenol early and after 45 minutes of the pain not being helped, I took another Methadone and muscle relaxant. It took another 45 minutes for that to slowly kick in. I asked Joseph to chop up a Methadone with his pocket knife so I could sniff it up, but he forgot to bring his knife. After an hour, Joseph's rubbing my back/leg/foot was not helping, he stopped and just held on to me. I can't believe how hard it is to not just deal with this pain, but to watch him watch me. 

This pain makes no sense and Joseph took a 30 second video of the episode to show my doctors since they seem to not take me seriously. 

You hear of my pain. 

You read of my pain.
You give understanding comments and the more I go on,
I'm realizing the severity of this issue can't be comprehend . 

You can't understand this amount of pain because you haven't been through it.
You may deal with emotional or other physical issues but this...
THIS
is on a completely different level.
It can not be compared to ANYTHING you've gone through.
Labor and delivery of a baby on a daily basis would be nearly painless compared to this. 

For any of you wondering:
NO, MY PAIN IS NOT GETTING BETTER.
Read that sentence again.
MY PAIN IS NOT IMPROVING.
I'M NOT ON THE MEND.
I might have a good day or a good week once in a while, 

but that doesn't mean ANYTHING.

The pain ALWAYS comes back full force and then some.
Exercise will not help my pain level.
Eating certain foods will not improve my bulging discs or bone spur.
Going to a certain church at a specific time and going to a specific pastor will not help.
IF God wants to heal me, He will do so...
Where ever he wants, Whenever he wants, and through Whomever he wants.
All your advice makes you look dumb rather than helpful.
My pain is not just a simple little thing that can be helped by your idea.
I've seen Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist....
Your simple solution will not fall on accepting ears. 

This pain makes me...
This pain controls me...

This pain is my demon...
This pain is unbearable...

This...
was the END of the episode when the pain pills were kicking in fully.

Pain worse than this went for an hour and a half...
And this was day 1 of going out of town.

The rest of the 4 hour drive to Fresno went fairly quickly. Since I had taken the double doses of Methadone, it was too much and I dealt with sleepiness and super dizzyness the rest of the day. I was definitely a little high on that med. No bueno but it got rid of the pain so I didn't care.
In previous posts, I've commented about the Pubic Symphysis Disfunction. The dr in training labeled it as the Ligament pain but she was wrong. This pain has spread into my backside too. For me to do anything, sit in a chair and pull my knee up at all will cause extreme pain in my tailbone area. Throughout the weekend that pain got worse and worse. In the mornings I had to move SO slowly out of bed and it was quite difficult.
I tried to finish making my dress with Mom's assistance but in the last 2 days my belly has outgrown the dress! Natalie and I made a quick trip to the mall to find a dress and our prayers were answered (literally) and we found me a great dress! 

During the wedding I used my scooter but for the photo shoot, I was on both feet. It wasn't painful, thankfully, but it was slow and difficult. By the end of the day, my tailbone was VERY pained and my left foot/leg was sooo swollen. By the time we went back to the hotel to lay down, me and Blaire were more than ready.

Nathan and Joseph went out to get Natalie, Blake & I some food for a 10pm dinner. I tried to eat at the reception but the foot made me sick and could only eat a bread roll and a half. Blaire wasn't very happy with me =) I ate half a burrito that Joseph brought me but it didn't settle too well. Blaire was rubbing against my ribs and I was quite uncomfortable from her and something else that I couldn't identify. I rolled over and went to sleep quickly. I think I might have felt so bad was because I went so long without food. I'd had a good breakfast but nothing else til 10pm. I'd had some juice to drink at the reception but nothing else. Dealing with my feet pain and the large pain obstacle of the tailbone was enough to think about. I don't think I multitask very well =)

It always irks me when people around me whine about minor
body aches when I'm right there silently suffering immensely.

During the night I had woken to use the bano and I couldn't believe how painful it was to sit up, put a knee on my scooter and push with the left leg. I though for sure I'd wake someone up with my gasps of air. Sunday morning my hands swollen left me very glad I'd packed all our things the night before. We left immediately after a quick breakfast. Joseph worked at 2pm and we had to get on the road in time. I started cramping by the time we got to Merced. Blaire decided to start Water Aerobics and did not help the situation at all! I laid down and when the cramping subsided a little, I was able to go to sleep and woke up when Joseph took our exit. 2 miles later we got home and once in the upright position the cramping came back full force. I hit the batthroom twice and then laid on the couch since laying seems to help. So far it has helped and the cramping has subsided for now... but Blaire is still exercising.

With the little bit of slow walking on the right foot, it hasn't made my pain worse at all so that has been wonderful! I know it's not the add'tl pressure to cause the major episode because two days previously I'd had another episode similar but at that time I hadn't been on my foot yet.

23 Weeks 3 Days

Blood sugars are doing better today. I super raised my insulin level and that definitely helped. I started using my foot today. This morning I stood on it while making breakfast and since that was good for a few seconds at a time, I started standing a little bit longer. By this afternoon, I started walking.  I took extremely slow steps, making sure my foot was straight and the pressure was being applied evenly. It's definitely different than I normally walk and now can see why I had the tendonitis on the sides of my foot. I typically walk with my foot leaning outward, which makes the tendons have to work extra hard. So for now, I'll keep going slowly and make sure the alignment is right. I don't want the tendonitis to come back. So far I haven't had any additional pain from the new pressure so that is very encouraging.This evening I took a 3 hour nap on the couch. I woke to my foot starting to ache. Joseph put the heat on my foot while I was still asleep and that helped to stave off the pain. 

Major TMI>> Read At Your Own Risk =)

I started to have some strong intestinal cramping again. This is super TMI but that's what this blog is about...
2 weeks I've dealt with the severe intestinal cramping off and on. Joseph and I decided that we needed to take a break and see if abstaining will help the cramping. We went a few days and I had no issues but when we resumed, within 18 hours, my intestinal cramping returned and I spent hours on the toilet in extreme cramping and pain. Not much bowel movement, just severe cramping. We took another few days break and I did just fine. As soon as we resumed, within just a few hours' time my cramping came back severely. We took another few days break, I did fine, then yesterday resumed. Tonight, almost 36 hours or so later, my intestinal cramping has returned... I took some Milk of Magnesia to see if it will help since I'm able to catch the signs earlier this time since I'm awake and not just waking up from it...
Joseph even noticed the pattern, which is saying a lot. The pattern of pain comes within 48 hours of us being together. I informed my dr last week, but will have to again inform her at my next appointment this coming week.

23 Weeks I think? 2 Days

Pain has been visiting but it isn't a very nice house-guest.

I've been miserable and the pain has been taking longer and longer to go away. I spent an hour, literally writhing in pain, moaning & crying, and the pain still persisted. I finally fell asleep exhausted but the pain returned before too long. We have had some long nights and it's so not cool. I've been dealing with cramping as well and it ... well.. is difficult to deal with, to say the least.

I'm tired of being a nice person. When I'm dealing with issues I should get a free pass for everything else in life. Today at McDonalds, I was handed a drink with a cracked lid and caramel sauce, whipped cream and liquid sliding down the side of the cup opposite to me. The cashier KNEW it was a mess and handed it to me anyway saying, "Have a great day." When I grasped the cup my hand became instantly sticky. I annoyed and loudly sighed and said, "Really?" So the dude, who just said to have a nice day, said, "Oh. Would you like some napkins for that?" I responded with,"UM YES. UGH." This dude should have put my drink in another cup which would have been clean and handed it to me like that instead of how he did it. I didn't care one bit for me to respond in that way. That's SO not how I normally respond, but I'm thinking I'm gonna start responding in the way I'm thinking, rather than the way I should.....
I don't feel like dealing with anything anymore, except for dealing with my own issues.

I did have a nice few days of a break last week and that was nice, but it looks like I might be on the up swing now.
Lucky me... I get to go to Fresno for the weekend and deal with insane pain there in a hotel room full of people rather than being at home, which is hard enough to deal with here.

Yes, I know...

God will help me and in His time things will improve...
I know it.
I don't need to hear it.

When I do hear it, I don't hear encouragement.. 

All I hear is your dense thought pattern or
A lack of understanding of my situation as a whole.
I don't need your pity either.
All I need is for you to pray for me...

And for my mom to come wash my dishes again =)

BG levels are on the rise. I keep getting to 250 every other day so I keep increasing my insulin.

I'm so glad my dr is out of the office this week and I don't have to turn in my numbers. It allows for me to do what I need to do to make the insulin changes without added stress.

Aye Yay Yay.... 22 Weeks 3 days

If you've been a consistent reader here on my blog, you'll already know that I have frustrations with the advice nurses in the clinic. I have made progress in the way that my BG reports go straight to MY dr. My other questions, though, are still being bypassed by the nurses. 

I've been having some pelvic (bone) pain and it is very different than Round Ligament Pain. This new pain feels like the pelvic bone is out of alignment (if that's even possible) and it is definitely NOT the pulling pain of the ligament. Yesterday, at my appointment, I brought this issue up to the first doctor who came into the room but forgot to talk to MY doctor about it. Last night I emailed MY doctor asking about my concerns....

Hello Dr. F,

At the appointment today I brought up a concern to
the first doctor who was in the room but completely
forgot to talk to you about it. I’ve been having some pain
 and discomfort (when I move at all) in my pubic area.
The other doctor said that it’s Round Ligament pain,
but I’ve felt that before and this feels Very different.
This feels like the pubic bone is out of whack or something.
I deal with my back being out of alignment and I get my back
adjusted weekly by a chiropractor and this pubic pain is
the same type of pain associated with something being
out of alignment… would you agree this is different
than Round Ligament pain or no? . . . 

-Amber

Hi Amber,

Round ligament pain is quite common during pregnancy,
is typically on either the right or left side. Sometimes women
can get pain in the area of the pubic bone as the cartilage
is stretching and/or separating. During pregnancy, hormones
such as relaxin soften this cartilage allowing the pelvic bones to
be more flexible for delivery. You can take Tylenol for the pain,
but should also purchase a pregnancy girdle or support belt.
If you don't get improvement, then call an advice nurse or
discuss it with the physician at your next appointment. 

Let us know if you have any further questions.

Thanks, OB/Gyn Advice Nurse

Hi "Advice Nurse",

I don't think this pain I have is the ligament pain.
I have experienced the ligament pain and I know what t
hat feels like. This is very different. This pain is present even
if I lay down and just pull my knees into a bent position from
a straight position. Any type of movement causes the pain and
it doesn't feel like the ligament pain. This pain is more deep.
It's not the pulling pain which I've experienced with the ligament pain.
I constantly have Tylenol on board and it has not helped the pain at all. 

Also, this message was initially sent to my physician. Please forward
these messages to her; Especially since you recommend that
I speak with my physician, Dr. F.

-Amber

My appointment yesterday went very well and quickly, except for forgetting to ask my doctor about the previous issue =) The appointment went fast and my doctor is allowing me to see her in 4 weeks, rather than 2 weeks. 

This week, I got back into the game of managing my levels the right way. I was able to give the right information to my doctor (unlike last week lol) and she was pleased with this week's progress. 

After the OB appointment, I sat in the parkinglot with my feet propped up on my outside mirror while I read my book and then took a nap; killing two hours for my next appointment. I had an Fetal Heart ultrasound to make sure Blaire's heart is growing/functioning properly. Everything looked good so I won't be needing another heart ultrasound for her  =) Blaire tends to wake up and get active between 2 & 4pm and then stay active through the evening and into the night. She doesn't keep me up at night but when I do wake up, she is moving. Anyway, my appointment was right at 2pm and I told the tech that she should be waking up soon. Sure enough, 10 minutes before the ultrasound was finished, she started moving and making things difficult for the tech! It was neat how she stuck to her pattern =)

My left foot has been swelling quite a bit lately but has not been painful! My right foot, which has the pain issues and ankle swelling on a regular basis has not had ANY pregnancy swelling! I'm ONLY swelling on my left leg and foot! I'm so very thankful that God has allowed that because that was a source of some of my pain in the last pregnancy: my bad foot swelled on top of the normal pain swelling...

My back and tailbone has been out of alignment and causing some real discomfort lately. Thankfully I haven't been in a lot of pain though!!! I increased the Elavil (anti-depressant) and the Muscle Relaxant and those seem to be helping Mucho!!

My pregnancy with Blake, Joseph was never able to feel him move. I think that made him to not really care about feeling for Blaire's movements. I have put his hand on my belly when Blaire is moving and this time he Has been able to feel her! He doesn't seem to interested still but I'm thinking that might change. I told him earlier that, "She is definitely a 'Daddy's Girl'!" Blake must have just been a 'Moma's Boy.' =)

Now Introducing........

Blake gets the first look into the box to see what gender the baby is!

He's got a secret...

We're having a girl!!!

Joseph mainly chose the name Blaire.

It has been a favorite of his for a long time.
I discovered the name in one of my books and when I brought it up (with the last pregnancy), it was just what Joseph wanted!

I chose the middle name LydiAnn.

Grandpa Charlie's mother's name was Lydia and I absolutely Love him, and her name.

When Kara (my best friend) and I were teenagers we used to write letters to eachother. 

We had a fascination with the Amish and so chose Amish names to go by in our letters.

Her Amish name was Ann.

LydiAnn is a way of naming Blaire in honor of my Grandpa & my best friend Kara.

22 Weeks 1 Day

Blake went home with my mom after shopping. My pain kicked in some, so I'd taken some pills to help out. By 1am, I fell asleep quilting in my chair. Joseph woke me to have me get in bed with him and I put my foot on heat to go to sleep. 

I woke at 8am to my medication alarm and we went back to sleep. 

Joseph then woke up at 1:45pm and he woke me at 2pm when he was about to leave for work. 

We slept solid from almost 2am til 2pm!  

I guess we were super tired from not sleeping much the night before! 

I'm so glad Blake went home with mom! 

I think the reason I was able to sleep so long without waking from pain is because I took 2 muscle relaxants before bed rather than the typical 1 pill... 

I'll try again tonight with 2 and see how it goes. Pain today has kicked in just before 4pm... 

21 Weeks 3 & 4 Days

My foot pain has still been minimal which has been great! On Thursday, though, my back felt like I pulled something. I had stabbing pain randomly and cramping like/aching pain for the rest of the day! It was no bueno. 

I slept well through the night and on Friday around 1pm, cramping started. If I stood for any length of time, I started cramping hard and would have to lay back down. At first I thought it was intestinal cramping and maybe I was constipated, but I was cramping on my sides, top of my uterus, and low front of uterus just above the pelvic bone. The pain would come and go too. If I stayed laying down, I was able to tolerate the pain because it was minimal. But, if I would stand up for any time, the pain was extreme. Mom came over to be with me and to take care of Blake. The pain started at 1pm, and was all done by 6pm. Then, Mom and I were able to go grocery shopping for the next day's party.

My previous pregnancy, I started having major cramps with standing at 25 weeks. This pain is the same pain as then, but this time starting at 22 weeks almost. Last time, I was unable to stand to make meals or to clean kitchen or anything else. This time, it is harder with having Blake and needing assistance for his care. Mom is in town and will be a huge help, I'm sure!

22 Weeks 0 Days

My minimal pain streak has come to an abrupt halt; 

My pain has come back with a vengeance!

I went to bed early on Monday morning just fine. (Our new bedtime due to Joseph's new shift change is between midnight and 3am)

Within a very short time, I started to be nauseated and feel crampy. I sat up in bed (rather than laying down) and that didn't help so I laid back down. I started feeling worse so I got on my hands and knees to breathe with no pressure from my organs being so squished up inside me! It didn't work. I then rushed to the bathroom, expecting to throw up from the intense cramping pain. It felt just like the pain I'd had 3 days previous but the cramping was more intestinal rather than uterine! I sat on my throne for a little while waiting for something to come out either end. Nothing happened except me moaning in pain. I went back to bed and only a short time later, I was rushing back to my throne. Cramping was quite intense and I'm sure Joseph could hear me down the short hall. My foot started hurting while there, but I couldn't do anything about it. And, I'd already taken a Tylenol just 2-3 hours before. I got back in bed, Joseph put the heat pack on my foot, and started to rub my leg. Pain only grew worse and the cramping continued. I had to rush back to the throne room to finish business. Back in bed pain ceased a bit to let me and Joseph get some rest. Just a few hours later cramping woke me again. I rushed to the bathroom with no results but a very painful foot. I went back into bed, huffing and puffing and moaning up a storm. Joseph got the heat which did nothing. He got the ice for my foot which did nothing. He put ice under my back which did nothing. He rubbed my calf which did minimal. He rubbed my foot which did minimal help. He then leaped up, rolled me onto my side, and aggressively started massaging my lower back with the palm of his hand and that helped some. He put the ice back on my back and went back to rubbing my leg. After at least an hour and some minutes of me writhing in pain; slutching at the sheets, biting my pillow, grabbing anything I could, moaning and nearly crying, the pain finally started to subside. 

We were exhausted. 

Just as Joseph started breathing heavy and I was about to fall into sleep, Blake woke up and came into our room. Joseph got up to put a movie on for him and gave him some cereal. For a little while war raged between desperately needing sleep and caring for Blake. At some point, I fell asleep.

I was woken at 2pm by Joseph leaving for work. He had been up for hours taking care of Blake and letting me sleep. I know he must have been extremely tired too, but he didn't say anything.

During the rest of the day my pain was minimal, steadily holding at a level 4. Mom and I ran errands and went grocery shopping and even with getting home around 10:45pm, my pain was not building. As soon as she left though, the pain did start to rise so I took a Tylenol and when Joseph got home only a few minutes later, he heated up my heat pack. Tonight I will be taking 10mg (rather than 5mg) of the muscle relaxant. That seems to be the best with helping my pain.

21 Weeks 3 Days

I sent in phony bg numbers and it will be interesting to see what doc has to say. I made everything look like it's supposed to with basal checks in the right areas and the changes they will want to make should line up with the raises I want to make =)

Pain has still been minimal/ unmemorable! I've been dealing dizzyness during the day. Since my pain has been lower all I can think is maybe my Methadone dose is now too high? The muscle relaxer has helped more than the Methadone so I'm planning on doing only 5mg during the day rather than 10mg. This dizzyness when levels are good is NOT cool. Its the main reason I've not written down my levels because being dizzy I've not bolused as much as I should. I'm staying higher on purpose because of not knowing where the dizzyness is coming from. Tomorrow I'll start the 5mg for the morning dose. I won't be telling my dr, of course. Dr C, who manages my meds, didn't seem too pleased that I decided to- not take my headache prevention med and to lower my BP med dose.- I just won't tell her what I'm doing until I know if it works or not... Then I'll have to tell her =( 

These drs are so stressing me out. Appointments are back to every other week again. No more once every 3 weeks. 

My nausea has pretty much passed, but I'm having some difficulty with feeling "icky" after eating. It is just like it was before the morning sickness kicked in.

I'm dealing with being much more tired these last few days. I'm sleeping like a rock (not even waking to check bgs at 3am) and Joseph has been getting up with Blake so I can sleep longer. I've been taking naps and it's still not enough... I'm so glad this isn't a busy week!
My back has been doing well. I seem to not have the sciatic pain hardly at all anymore! I'll contribute that to the Chiropractor visits I've been having! My foot, as I stated above, has been unmemorable so I emailed my dr asking if it is still benefitting me to stay off it. I'm hoping he will say that I can go back on my foot =) I'm so ready to walk again!

I've started reading the Abram's Daughters books from Beverly Lewis. It has been quite some time since I read the 5 book series and figured it's time to take a break from Elsie and turn to Abram's Daughters!

Today has been a fairly good day. Until I had to deal with Medco Pharmacy.
I swear those people have no clue how to get things done. 

Instead of ranting, like I did to Joseph, I'll just leave it there. =)


Update on my 20 Week Revelation...
Dr. T. said that I don't have that condition and that I have a bone spur in the exact location where the Os Trigonum bone was removed in 2007... I'm not quite sure what I think yet... I have increased my Elavil and am wondering if that is making any difference. I think if I lower my Methadone that will be able to tell me if the Elavil might be doing something.

21 Weeks 1 Day

I've been dealing with some pain in the last few days, but nothing memorable. I've been taking a little less Tylenol than usual so that is good. I'm not sure if it's due to lower stress, increase of Elavil, or just a lull in the pain. Next few days to a week and it should tell me! Mom and I went shopping this afternoon/ evening and I did very well. I'd taken a preventative Tylenol and ended up not in pain. I've been very tired lately and falling asleep earlier than planned and I've been sleeping hard through the night too without waking up for anything! I've been ignoring my sugar levels for the last few days. My mind has been filled with lots of things, Joseph is getting stressed out about a few things, so diabetes has been put on the rear burner for now. It takes a lot of mental work to keep levels in line and this last week, I've not had the mental space nor the desire to make some. I'll be sending my sugars in to my dr office tomorrow morning. Instead of emailing and say, "Hey I've got nothing for you", I'll just send a phony list to appease them for this week and get back on the ball for next week. Yeah, I'm being a bad girl but my levels aren't whack enough to really be bad. 

I did go low last night for no reason. I had a hard time thinking and when Joseph called me to check in, I could barely answer him. I was coherent enough to give myself Glucagon when he told me to. He suggested that he call 911 but I told him no. While he was talking to me, he was on his radio trying to get someone to relieve his post. He hung up and rushed home. When he walked through the door, I felt limp and still unable to think. He monitored me for a little while and let me rest through the recovery. After a while he woke me to get in bed and to take my pills. I fell asleep with my jeans on and slept like a rock all night (and hogged the whole bed without realizing it!). No low tonight so I don't know what was going on last night!

I have such an awesome husband who takes great care of me! 

God gave me the very best person to help me out when I need it!
<3

Revelation at 20 Weeks

I was standing in my bathroom this morning, doing my makeup and hair, when I got a sudden revelation. I wasn't thinking about my situation at all and all of a sudden, a boat-load of information flooded my mind... I told mom it was a "thought burst from God." 

Last night, while in massive pain, I was praying. 

I know He can heal me, but I know that it has to be His time and not mine. 

I don't understand why I have to suffer with all this pain. 

I'm having such a difficult time lately with keeping in mind that His way is best.

The frustration of the days is taking over and I don't know what to do.

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel or the reason for any of it.

Is He giving me an answer now to help me out? 

Not to heal me, but to help me.

Spring 2014: 

I saw Dr. G in Shasta for my back issue. He suggested that my bowel issue could be related to the Para Sympathetic Nervous System. 

Summer 2014: 

I had a conversation with Natalie about my bowel issues and she suggested that it was my body's stress response. Even though I don't feel stressed out, my body is (for whatever reason) and is showing it's stress by my bowel issue.

Fall 2014: 

I noticed a pattern of mind racing, nightmares, inability to shut my mind off to go to sleep, and bowel issue still persisting.

September 2014: 

I started having massive headaches not related to blood pressures and both Dr. G and Natalie's suggestions coincided in my head. I visited my primary care, Dr. D. He agreed with their suggestions and started me on Elavil, an Anti-Depressant to control my symptoms and minimize headaches.

For a 4-5 week period from September to end of October, I had minimal pain. It was the strangest thing. Maybe every couple days I'd need a Tylenol for foot pain, but the pain I was having was completely manageable/tolerable with almost no medication. I wasn't doing anything different except taking the Elavil.

End of October to November my pain came back and I started taking Ibuprofen which helped the pain a lot. I went to my foot dr, Dr. T and he gave me a cortizone injection to help with the Tendonitis pain in my foot. The steroid injection jacked up my bg's for 3 weeks and I had minimal pain during that time too. 

That's when I got pregnant.

With high bg's and minimal pain!

The Cortizone wore off after a few weeks and my pain returned.

I stress out about my dr appointments every time. I hate to have to deal with them, their expectations, the failure I feel they're looking at me with, and just anxiousness about what they're going to say.

I noticed a pattern today that at my dr. appts, they increase my Methadone and I do pretty well, pain wise, for up to a week or week and a half... then my pain starts to rise and my next appointment, 3 weeks later, they up the Methadone. I do pretty well with my pain for about a week, week and a half, then pain starts to rise... As I Anticipate The Next Appointment....

A few days before my Idaho trip I did really well. I was excited to go and enjoy the relaxing break. The 2 days before the trip, I was running errands, dealing with high bg's (resistance?), and hot weather... pain kicked in big time.

The day of the trip, when we left, I was in minimal pain on the drive there and had only one episode of major pain while there. My pain kicked in once we drove back into California. I'd started thinking about my dr visits this week, coming home to a messy house, dealing with people in general, thinking of planning to get Blake back home, taking care of him and pain/bgs/house.... Everything combined stressing me out and the pain grew...

Is my body showing my stress through pain and the para/sympathetic nervous system?

Should I maybe increase the Elavil instead of the Methadone and see if that helps? 

It seems worth a try.

Keep my mind clear and focus on the enjoyment in life rather than the stress of life...

Also, while on the trip, I think I realized what my "injury" was that hurt my back. My back didn't start hurting until after I met Joseph. Before him, it was always ONLY foot pain. When we met, we went to a park in Davis which had a concrete slide that we went down on cardboard. At the bottom was a 2'-3' drop straight down. I didn't realize there was such a large drop until I landed on the ground. It hurt SO bad that I could barely walk for a while after and didn't go down the slide again. I took it easy but sitting and walking at that point was painful. Over these years I've had a tough time sitting on hard surfaces because it kills my tailbone... 

I thought this weekend that maybe that was the time that I injured my back and possibly bruised my tailbone. With all the sitting I've done lately the tailbone pain has been very present. The car ride home from Idaho was mostly the tailbone pain, before the back and foot pain. This is the most amount of sitting that I've done over the years and that is why I'm now noticing it. . . .