The End of A Journey

This is my final post on this blog.

These last 8 months have come to a close.

For the longest time I couldn't clearly see through my valley of death.

Finding comfort in my faith in God, I tried to wait patiently on Him to get me to the end.
Whether the end of this journey or the end of my journey on earth, I knew He would be with me.
I prayed so many times to be done with this life's journey.
But I never really looked so much on the very last phrase of Psalm 73:

"Nevertheless I Am continually with you;

You hold me by my right hand.

You will guide me with Your counsel,

And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart fail;

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...

It is good for me to draw near to God;

I have put my trust in the Lord God,

That I may declare all Your works."

Psalm 73

He was with me the whole way.

He kept me.

He has brought me and Blaire through so that we "may declare" all His works.

The Lord is good.

He is good forever.

He is always with me.

His ways are perfect.

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1 Month Old

3 Weeks

Well, I did fantastic the first week and a half after Blaire was born. . . Then side effects from not taking nerve meds started kicking in. High blood pressures, headaches, vision being blurry, sleeplessness, restless body syndrome, super irritation/ frustration, and anxiery started to plague me. I got back onto my nerve medication and it's definitely helped but I'm not totally over the symptoms yet. I spent quite a few hours in L&D today to have my bp monitored. Even 140/108 isn't alarming to them so I gotta talk to Dr. C tomorrow at my 3 week follow up.... Whatever happened to the 6 week followup?! Who knows. Anyway. I've leveled out with my weight which is discouraging but not unexpected. I bought some pants today cuz none of my jeans from before fit yet =) Time to try and walk every day now. . . can you believe that 3 weeks ago I was completely unable to walk due to severe pain?! Now I can do single foot lifts off the floor with only weakness and not pain!!!!!

Blaire is doing great! Her appetite is increasing. For now we're feeding her as much as 2 ounces ever two hours unless she wants more or wants to stretch out. I'll work on scheduling her at 3/4 hours later on... She is so good! She can be a little bit fussy but it seems to be when there's a lot of noise around. She definitely needs some quiet time. Thankfully, Blake's enthusiasm for life doesn't bother her anytime at all!! =D

Blake loves his little sister... until she cries. Then he covers his ears and runs from the room! He is willing to give her her boba, help feed her, take her diapers out, and give her besos!! I love seeing them together!

Blaire is getting thinned out a bit and is such a perty little thing! I plan to take her first photos this weekend!!! Kara is coming and hopefully she will be able to help set up what I have planned in my head for the shoot.

2 Weeks Old +1 Day

So sorry I haven't update lately. Things have been crazy busy.

2 weeks old and Blaire has been released from the NICU!

She is home now and causing all sorts of ruckus! haha

We're back into the groove of baby days!

There are a few eager Aunties who like to help take care of Blaire while I'm running all over the place!

Today, Wednesday, Blaire and I went to meet Daddy for lunch & to buy diapers at Costco. 

For the first month or two we'll do disposable but then it's back to cloth! =D

She is definitely a 'boba baby' and loves the swing so far!
Her first night home, she slept in Grandma and Papa's bedroom and they fed her every 4 hours so I could "get some sleep". 

Too bad I had a bad night being awake for multiple reasons, except pain, and have been exhausted all day! Just breathing seems to wear me out today. It must be in the air because I've been told that I'm not the only wiped out!! And it's not even Blaire wiping me out! =D

9 & 10 Days Old

My list of things to do is a mile long and #1 & #2 consist of pumping as often as I can remember and going to visit Miss Blaire! Seeing how I started pumping 6 days after her birth I feel like pumping and getting a fair amount of milk is going pretty well. It can be discouraging to get just an 'itty bitty' amount, but I'm doing everything I know to increase the supply. 

Blaire takes after me in more ways than her smile...
When we give her milk, she guzzles it like you wouldn't believe! But when you introduce the (nasty & bitter) formula she clamps her mouth shut and squeezes her lips together so you can't get the nipple in! haha She's a stubborn little stinker for sure! Because she does so well with the milk, I'm researching on how to get a hold of a milk bank or something.. I've even considered making my own formula; a mixture of goat's milk, probiotics, and vitamins or so.

Her Morphine dose has been decreased again! She is now at 0.10mg and the doctors are ready to drop her completely off it (rather than drop her dose to 0.05mg) and see how she does. There is a white board above her bed which has a check list of things she needs to do before being released from the hospital. On that list are 2 items.

1. Get off Morphine
2. Drink all her bottles by mouth
   
   She's so close to both of those! There is still no timeline of when she can come home, but I'm anticipating it will be VERY soon! I can't wait to bring her home and hear her squeal and fill the house with cute noises!! Yesterday I took in an outfit for her. I didn't think it would fit her since it was a "newborn" size... I barely believed she fit in it! I'm thinking she looks bigger than she actually is. hahah!
   
   Since her Morphine has been decreased she has been much more alert. She has been yawning more, but that seems to be her only symptom of withdrawal. Talking with the nurses yesterday, I realized how BLESSED we have been to have such mild symptoms and for her to come off so easily (and quickly). There are babies on other floors of the hospital who are on an IV drip of 1mg per HOUR>>>> Blaire started on 0.25mgs every 4 hours.... I couldn't imagine watching my child deal with that kind of addiction/dependance. =(
   
   The NICU has some rules that include: Siblings over the age of 3 can visit in the NICU. All others need to be supervised in the lobby.
   
   We decided that Blake is close enough to 3 years and is very well behaved so it would be okay to take him to meet his sister. If the desk stopped us, then so be it... But they didn't even look our way when we walked in!
   Blake loves to talk about "baby beaw" and even cradles his little bear like a baby and talks to it! When we got him settled in the chair he wanted to hold her. Once she was in his arms he decided he was done and tried to push her off! We got him to take a picture or 5 and then I held Blaire while Blake looked on. He wanted to hold her again after a few minutes and reached for her. After that it was him giving her 'besos' and posing for more pictures =D
   He is older than Joseph was when Anna was born and I think it's awesome to have pictures of both Joseph and Blake with their closest/only sister =) When I put some pictures up, I'll need to put them both up, side by side.
   
   Blake looks so much like Joseph here... and Blaire looks NOTHING like Auntie Anna!!
   It's still hard to believe I have to munchkins to kiss, snuggle, and love!
   Have I mentioned that I can't wait for her to come home!? 

My recovery is going *fantastic*!!
Yesterday I spent a few hours in L&D for some high blood pressures. I've not really had any symptoms with it, but my doses needed to be adjusted. The doctor who was there for my delivery and 2 of the best nurses took care of/ came to see me.

The nurses couldn't believe how big Blaire was... "you weren't even big!"

My doctor said I looked like a totally different person. I was happy and smily, healthy looking and "so different than when you were pregnant!" Pretty much, pregnancy doesn't agree with me!! haha 

It was nice to see them (since they're the ones who actually took care of me) and have a little follow up, post delivery. My doc even got to meet Blake. He was a quiet stinker and wouldn't say 'hi' though. Oh well... He's getting in that stage where he gets a little embarrassed! 

Day of delivery I weighed 194.6 lbs.

11 days out from delivery I now weigh 162.8 lbs.

I'm 9 lbs away from my starting, pre pregnancy weight. and 19 lbs away from my goal. Seeing how my back and foot are doing so well, I'm hoping to start walking in a few weeks. It doesn't have to be far, but a little bit will do me good. For now, walking in the hospital is enough exercise for me. Carrying a heavy purse on my left shoulder is too much weight for my back so I'm trying to pack as little as I can into my purse which is quite difficult. Carrying snacks, juices, pumping supplies, a book, and other purse items, it can definitely get on the heavier side.

My foot is doing super well. I can have a few twinges here and there but they're so tolerable. It's not even considered pain!!!! 

This morning and 2 nights ago I was even able to make food in the kitchen and clean the dishes and everything up afterwards!! I haven't done anything (except make ...cold cereals =) in the kitchen since February when I went off my foot! It feels so good to get back to working and getting things done.

Next on my list of things to do...

Sweep the kitchen

&
Brainwash my children in Doctor Who (seasons 1-4) & Stargate

Life is Fantastic and is only getting Better!

8 Days Old

 Auntie Natalie got to come with me to visit Blaire today! Blaire is completely off the lights and even the "light blanket" that she has been wearing it under her shirt or blanket. We got to hold her for hours while she slept. I brought some milk that I'd pumped overnight and when it was meal time we gave it to her and surprisingly, she chugged all of it in no time at all! It was like she has had NO issues at all with feeding! I, Nat, and the nurse think it was because the milk was sweeter than the formula. At the next feeding she chugged all the goodness again! Such improvement!!!! If she continues to drink well then she will be home in no time at all! Her meds have been decreased again, sooner than they'd initially suggested. Because I'm bringing my milk they decreased the dose due to getting trace amounts through the milk, since I'm still on the meds too. Also, instead of giving the meds at 4 hour intervals they stretched her out to 6 hours since she was sleeping at the 4pm dose time. She ends to get irritable around the 5 hour mark but that's totally okay and they'll keep her on the 6 hour schedule =) I'm hoping she will be coming home super soon! Like, a week from now....

We're thinking Blaire looks like Moma in this picture!!

I asked her if she wanted to send a picture to daddy. Immediately, she smiled up a storm!! This is the 2nd or 3rd time I've asked her to take a picture for daddy and she grins for me! This was the first time I've been able to get it in a photo though! Her black hair is already turning brown. I think she'll be a blondie before she's 6 months, just like Blake!

Auntie Nat loved her visit! Blaire was very good to be alert and very responsive during our visit!

Blaire is 1 Week Old Today!

Today Miss Blaire ate too much and decided I was the one who needed to deal with it... So, she exploded her food all over my shirt, chair, and floor... Totally missing her clothes or blankets entirely! =) Aww Baby Smell! =D She isn't eating much by mouth so I think that is more of an issue rather than the withdrawals. She isn't having many, if any, symptoms at this point. They're most likely going to lower her dose again tomorrow, Wednesday.
At first I was not planning on pumping, but since she hasn't been eating well and tends to give faces as though what she is eating is not good, I decided to start pumping and see if it can help her at all. Surprisingly, I was able to get 2oz with my first pump. And, that's the first pump since birth! I was very surprised that I was able to get any milk at all since I've not pumped yet. Overall, during this afternoon, I got a total of 3.5oz... Hopefully tomorrow things will look up... I'll be researching how to help the milk come in, rather than how to prevent the milk!
At the hospital when I brought the milk in, the nurse had to contact the doctor to make sure my milk was usable. Since I'm on the Morphine and it comes in the milk, there was a possibility that I wouldn't be able to use it. Doctor gave the "okay" though so Blaire gets the sweet stuff! Hopefully it doesn't interfere with her current dosage of Morphine or her withdrawal symptoms.
Auntie Ash came to visit this evening and brought one of the "boba's" that Papa wanted her to have. We are trying to get Blaire to use it since her sucking is weak. She tends to do the "boba" well, but when it comes to eating, she is totally uninterested. She can't come home until she eats well... Blake was able to come home with a feeding tube, but since then, the hospital has discontinued the practice of sending babies home with the tubes. Some parents have accidently inserted the tube into the lungs rather than the stomach and the babies have died! I couldn't imagine going through that. It super sucks that Blaire wouldn't be able to come home until she eats well, but I can totally understand their policy... If it came down to it, I'd ask if we could take her home and if her tube falls out we would bring her to the hospital to get the tube inserted by a nurse... Maybe they'd go for that... Maybe... =)

6 Days Old

This evening Dad and I went to see Blaire after Ted stayed with her for a few hours. Her meds were decreased today at 2pm so tonight they'll see how she does with it. This evening while we were there she was definitely more alert and less sleepy. She took a 'boba' and sucked away on it. When it came time to eat, she did pretty well with eating. The nurse wasn't too pleased that she only took 20mls but I see it as improvement =) She spit up some but it wasn't too bad. The nurse, again, wasn't too pleased. Well, I'm not too pleased with her so the sooner she cycles out for a new nurse, the better =)

Since Blaire is now off the lights (except for the one that sits against her back under the blanket or onesie), I got to hold her all afternoon/evening except for when I shared her with dad! It's so fun seeing him interact with her and Blake. He does so well with them. Today he was talking up a storm with her. Too good of memories being made! Blaire is changing so much! So far I don't think she has been too photogenic, but I'm sure that will change with just a little bit of time!

5 Days Old

Mom and I went today to see Blaire and spent most of the day with her! She slept most of the day, but the nurse let me hold her! This was my 3rd time so far and by far the most amount of time I've gotten to hold her. I was "allowed" to feed her at 2pm and 6pm. She slept through the first feeding and so almost all of it went through the feeding tube. She gets to first try the bottle and after 30 minutes of eating whatever is left in the bottle goes through her nose.

She is still under the lights but her levels have dropped and hopefully will be off the lights tomorrow, Monday! Once she is off the lights, she can be held as much as... the nurses will let us. We had some annoying nurses last time around who would not let us hold Blake but this time, I know better how to be adamant that I will hold my baby. =) And, I have an awesome husband who knows better how to be assertive and get what his wife needs =D 

Tomorrow the docs will be decreasing Blaire's dose of Morphine as well. Today she was accidently stretched 6 hours between a dose and by the time 5 hours hit she was getting fidgetty and more sensitive to sounds. Even though she was more symptomatic, she was able to wake up for 30 minutes and be alert, rather than sleeping alllll day like she had been when the dose was 4 hours apart.

Mom took pictures while I held Blaire when she was asleep. Right as mom took the picture, Blaire moved her arm up and covered her face. I sent the picture to Dad because he always had Blake cover his face for pictures. I tried finding one of Blake but was unable to find it in my mass of photos! =D

After a while, Ted & Elaine were able to come visit Blaire. She slept the whole time but it was still good time together with Blaire!

At her 6pm feeding, Blaire finally woke up. Her meds at the time were stretched to 6 hours and so was not so sedated. She stayed awake for a full half hour! Her eyes were still pretty yellow but that should improve as the lights continue to help her. She wasn't interested in taking a bottle at all. She only wanted to look around. Instead of feeding her right at 6 like I was supposed to, I held her and talked to her. The nurse wanted me to stick to the schedule but Blaire was completely uninterested in food. I figured it wouldn't hurt to spend some time with her instead of forcing a bottle on her. The tube would do for this feed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Blake is on the left & Blaire is on the right.

Both these photos were taken when they were each 5 & 6 days old =)
I thought Blaire resembles Blake a ton but as days go on, she is looking less and less like him!
Call me crazy, but I think the feeding tube taped to their faces is TOO ADORABLE!!! =D

They both got to spend days under the blue lights. Even though Blake was 8lbs 7oz, I feel like he looked larger at this age than Blaire does now @ 9lbs and some oz, even though she's got all the rolls!

 

 When Mom and I were leaving Blaire today, the baby in the next bed was clearing out his lungs quite well, agitating her so she was unable to sleep without figetting. When I held her hand, she calmed down. As soon as I let go, she got all figetty again. So, I put the 'boba' in her hand to clutch like a finger and I shook her hand a little as if I was moving and she calmed down. It worked until the neighbor started increasing his cry and then she started moving again. It was a good idea but didn't last too long =)

All The Details

I wrote the events in detail! 

I placed the post in time order on this blog.
Click on the link below :

Blaire Lydiann Bedford- July 28th

4 Days Old

4 Days Old
Daddy holding her up to burp her mid-meal.

We visited her yesterday for a little over an hour.

Joseph gets tired with sitting and I get worn out from being out and about.

It's hard to spend much time with Blaire right now since she is still tanning. We can't hold her til she is off the lights and we still don't know how long that will be.

Dad went to visit her early this morning while we all were still asleep. He commented on how Blaire has the tendancy to get all her wires wrapped around her left foot and pull all the leads off her chest to send the alarms "Blairing!" =)

When Joseph and I visited she was quite fidgetty.

Joseph turned on some quiet piano music and played it above her head to calm her. I noticed that holding her hands and stroking her fingers or placing my hand on the side of her face calms her.

She is having a bit of difficulty taking a bottle and so when she stops sucking the feeding tube is turned on. Being on the feeding tube has helped with her vomiting. Her biliruben levels are on the higher side so she is under the blue lights (tanning) for a while until her levels are lowered. She has the large lights above her bed on both sides and then is also laying on a "bili blanket" to get the most of the lights that she can. Dad said Drs are having a meeting this morning to discuss her treatment and hopefully give us any sort of timeline of being on the lights.

Her symptoms of withdrawl are slightly higher than the previous day so when Joseph and I went, there was no holding her.  Her withdrawl symptoms are:

- sensitivity to light -

- jittery/ shaky- needs to be held/touched in order to be calmed -

- sensitivity to sound - 

- sneezing excessively - 

- yawning excessively -

-

She is on Morphine every 4 hours which is helping with the symptoms and they evaluate her daily to see if she needs more or less meds. Her blood sugars have fully stabilized and her IV has been taken out, so that is improvement!

She is quite the squishy "little" thing! I think some of it is swelling still since she seems to be little less squishy each time I see her. She has a very small bone structure and her head feels so tiny in my hand. Everyone says she's huge! but it doesn't totally feel that way to me. I think her eyes will match the blue of Blake's. I've seen her open her eyes momentarily only twice. That will just have to come in time. She is down to 10 lbs 3 oz, so she has lost 11 oz in the last few days.

I'm getting my meds slimmed down. My ankle and back pain has dropped down to almost nothing. I had a severe ankle pain episode immediately after she was born, but since then, I've had nearly no pain! Mom jokes that I'm allergic to pregnancy =)  While in the hospital I asked the nurse if I'd be able to drop from 3 pills a day down to 2 pills a day of the morphine. She looked at her notes and said that the docs had already done that at 4am. I was surprised but then quite annoyed when she stated that they took the pills down to twice a day but the increased the overall dose to be much higher than I was already on. I wasn't having any pain and they increased the dose without even telling me! I want OFF THESE MEDS! Not to increase them. So, coming home, I'm at the meds I was when I got to the hospital initially. I'm planning on decreasing to two doses when Blaire is 1 week old and will see how it goes.

2 Days Old

She has been here for 3 days now.

I don't even know where to start writing!

I'm heading home today and she gets to stay in her suite for a bit longer!

Miss Blaire is a fighter. She has a rough road ahead of her for a few weeks, but I know God will give her the strength to keep chuggin along! Jaundice set in during the night and she is enjoying her "sun-tan" =) She looks so much like Blake! Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between her picture and his! She puts her toes together and grabs onto the wires just like Blake.

Can you believe this squishy little girl?! I didn't believe everyone when they told me...

10 Lbs and 14.6 oz! 

 Born on July 28th, 2015 without an epidural at 3:05pm

3 hours of intense labor after my water was broken, and then....

15 minutes of pushing.

- - The Event of A Life-Time - -

Sunday, July 26th, 2015

Sunday afternoon I had another pain episode that sent Mom rushing me up to L&D again. Seeing how I'm writing this so long after, I can't hardly remember those details. We ended up being there very late and when Mom asked how long we would wait for the doc to come release us, we were informed that I was being admitted since my induction was scheduled for the morning. Also, instead of induction at 10am like it had been planned, my induction had been changed to 6am. I got a room and Mom and Joseph stayed the night with me.

Monday, July 27th, 2015

6am I was given a pill to help my cervix do it's work. 10am I got another pill to help it along. I was a little discouraged that it was taking so long because a 7/27 birthday would be cool =) One of the doctors told me, "If this little one comes by tomorrow afternoon, we would consider that to be very successful!" 2pm came with another pill and I was dilated at 3 and that was a nice surprise. My ankle pain was arriving with a vengeance and so anesthesia was called in to do an epidural so I could stop taking the Dilauded which was making Blaire too sedated. At that time we discussed popping my water at 6pm but when the time came around, all the doctors were too busy to pop the water. In the evening after my epidural had been in quite a while, I noticed that I could feel my right leg. Anesthesia came in and did a test to see how effective the epidural was. My left leg was almost entirely numb but my right leg had "windows" where the epidural was unable to affect. After receiving a light back rub from Ashley, she noticed that there was a huge wet area on my back around where the needle had gone in. Anesthesia was called in again and determinted that the epidural had fallen out. I was contracting pretty regularly and when the guy said, "well, you have two options.1) you can just continue without it, or 2) you can have it done again." Obviously, with foot pain and contractions I immediately opted for another try at the epidural. I was able to sleep the night through with minimal pain.

Tuesday, July 28th, 2015 

My mid morning cervix check was 5cm. My contractions were helped along with Pitocin but only at the very smallest dose. Drs came in at 11:50 and broke my water bag. By 12:05pm, contractions were coming hard and fast. The machine showed that they were peaking and the dropping, waiting a minute or two and doing it again, but the machine was sooo wrong! I was having constant 2-3 minute contractions right on top of one another. I quickly got to the point where talking with anyone was nada unless I HAD to answer. 

Around 2pm, pain was massive. The epidural wasn't working at all. I told the nurse and she didn't seem to believe me so I said that I was so NOT NUMB that I could get up and walk around. She chuckled and said, "No, you only think you can walk." Shortly after, I was dying. Baby was sitting on my pelvic bones and it was immense... crazy... pain. Way stronger than I'd had with Blake. I laid on my side and shifted from left to right, trying to find a position to be fairly comfortable in. Nothing worked. They checked me and I was at 9cm. That cervix check was SO painful. I couldn't believe how bad this was... and I'm not someone who is a stranger to pain. I couldn't stand being on my side anymore. I instantly, and literally, JUMPED up from my side position and got on my hands and knees to rock back and forth... guess I did have full function of my legs after all! Everyone was shocked! I had to move for some reason, I don't remember why, and was back on my sides, clutching the side rails. I got back on my hands and knees to rock but it didn't relieve any of the pain like the previous time so again I laid down. 

My doc came in and wanted me on my back because she said it was time. I moaned and cried, begging to not be moved. The pain of baby pushing on my pelvic bone was worse than anything I've ever dealt with. Just to have someone touch my skin in the lightest sent shooting pain throughout my whole body. I kept screaming at everyone to stop touching me. Mom tried to be encouraging and that was so not cool. I'm pretty sure I told her to shut up at least twice! 

Laying on my back with my legs up, trying to curl into a ball, the nurse put the baby monitors on my belly, right over the pelvic bones, right where ALL my pain was centered. I screamed and begged her to take it off because the pain was too much. I told her to put it higher and put it ANYWHERE except there. I begged Joseph to do something. I clutched his shirt and then Ashley's shirt, needing someone to act for me. The nurse put the monitors back on me and pain shot throughout my body again. It seemed that every nerve was on fire. I grabbed the monitors and pulled them off. The nurse put them back on. I grabbed them again and the nurse 'growled' at me to leave them there. I reached down and pulled them off and threw them who-knows-where. She put them back on and held them there as I sobbed. 

2:50pm - Dr tried telling me why I needed them there and that I needed to start focusing on baby. I hollered that I knew the reasons and that she just needed to tell me what to do. I've had a baby before, I know how to push and what to do. But, in that moment, the pain was so searing, I couldn't think. My body on fire, everyone NOT helping me, the doctor started to tell me to push and before she could finish her sentence, I pushed. I didn't have that normal feeling like I HAD to push, but I did push. And pushed again. This pain had to stop but nothing helped. No one could touch me. I only listened for my doctors voice to guide me. I pushed again and again and again. I imagined the 2 hours of pushing I did with Blake and the 5 hours Danielle did with Amelia and all I could imagine was a black hole of pain pulling me in. At least this time I didn't think I'd die. I just wanted relief. In those moments, I couldn't think straight enough to realize that the moment she was born, my pain would end. All I could see was that black hole. I pushed again. Mom whispered to me and I didn't listen. I pushed again. 

Mom then said, "Amber, She has a lot of black hair! I see her!"

I then screamed at her and said, "Then grab her by the hair and PULL HER OUT!" 

That brought chuckles and quiet smiles to certain people in the room.

I pushed again. When Danielle was delivering, the midwife kept saying, "she's right here! I see her!"... for 5 hours... When Blake was on his way, my Mom told me he was right there and I knew she wouldn't lie to me. I knew this time, that if Mom was saying, baby was right there, close enough to see and touch...and to grab her by the hair! haha.

There wasn't that 'ring of fire' feeling nor the rush of her being born. There was just a cease to the insane pain. It was finally gone. Blaire was thrown on top of me and I knew this time to touch her quick because with Blake, when I finally reached up to touch him, they'd pulled him away to quickly so I reached up and placed my hand on her arm. 

I pushed for a grand total of 15 minutes.

Dr told me to push at 2:50pm and Blaire came out of her swimming pool at 3:05pm, sunny side up!
Mom says it was instinct for me to get up on my hands and knees because that's the way to turn a baby when she's the wrong way...

Everyone in the room was completely shocked. I didn't comprehend what they were saying, I was just focused on holding her arm. They told me to look at her and I wouldn't. Then they took her away to check her blood sugar and see how she was doing. I laid there. Placenta came next. Then they dug around inside me to get out a clot... now THAT was so not cool but way better than the actual delivery. Then I relaxed as they numbed me up to start stitching away. The nurse was concerned about my reaction to not wanting to see Blaire. Ashley told her that's what I'd done with Blake too. The nurse asked if I even wanted this baby and mom told her "it was a rough pregnancy and a surprise one at that, but yes, she definitely wants this baby."

I was able to clarify later on that I didn't want my
first look at Blaire to be associated with so much pain.
Instead, our first look came a few hours later when
I got to hold her in the NICU after I was feeling
so much better! It's so much better of a memory.
I was out of pain and in the right mindset.

I was finally able to really relax and just lay there... and then my foot pain began.

Within minutes I was writhing around, as much as I could, and crying with the pain. I couldn't believe the epidural didn't work and this pain, that I'd so much counted on being gone, was so present. I asked for meds to help since the epidural didn't. So they threw them at me. "Baby's out, give her whatever it takes!" Fentanyl and Dilauded in large amounts were given and it took nearly two hours to give any relief! 

One pain and then another. Mom said that the doctors couldn't believe the amount of pain I was in and that for the meds to take so long, was so surprising to them. "There was no way you could fake that pain, no matter how good of an actor you could even possibly be."

Ashley followed Blaire to the NICU and stayed with her for some hours. She made sure it was okay that she hold her before I was able to and I immediately told her yes. Blaire needs to be held. 

It wasn't until a few hours later that I learned my "6lb" baby was actually a "10lb. 14.6oz" baby! Everyone was shocked when she came out a squishy and large baby! How did every doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech guess so wrong that I'd have a 6 lb baby!? Even I thought Blaire was on the small side! Mom jokes that Blaire was wrapped around my spine which is why I was in so much pain and why everyone thought she was so small! 

Mom was right, Blaire does have a lot of black hair! Long enough that "if she was born full term, she'd need a haircut as soon as she came out!"

She didn't get the 'cool' birthday of 7/27,
but instead was born the day before her cousin William.

July 28th, 2015
3:05pm

21" long 

10lbs, 14.6oz.

~ Blaire Lydiann Bedford ~

35 Weeks 6 Days

Last night I decided to stretch my MSContin from 6 hours apart to 8 hours apart. I took my late night dose and did just fine with no side effects and this morning I took my 8 hour dose and did just fine! . . . Then the pain kicked in. Massage only made the pain worse and once finally getting the pain to subside some, it came right back. Heat on my back seems to help some, but nothing else helps. So I guess I'll go back to my 6 hour doses like before. The type of pain I'd had this morning was slightly abnormal so I'll just keep that MSContin at 6 hours and try to back off/ down on the Dilauded instead. 

Dr. C emailed me on Friday suggesting backing off to see how things go.

So far it's been a full week that I've been out of L&D for pain! What a victory!! 

It's insane that NO one at UCDavis would give me the spinal injection that would help me. "Only after pregnancy" they all said... I'm so not happy about having to wait so long for pain relief, but I guess God has a plan in all this and I need to get over it and not focus on that... ... =(

8 days and counting!

We're trying to get rid of my parent's pool table. . .  It's in great condition with all it's balls and sticks and is FREE! We need it gone and are unable to transport it so whoever wants it needs to bring 4-6 strong fellas to haul it out... Remember, it's FREE!! Pass the word on! It's FREE!

Once it's gone we will be able to move our living room items into the family room and get settled in some more.

Anyway, 8 days and counting!

35 Weeks 4 Days

It's 10:43pm. 

Mom and I are sitting in a room at L&D. 

We called an advice nurse this afternoon and got the results of my 24-hour urine. The protein count was 265. From my history of Pre Eclampsia I know that 300 is the cut off for either Magnesium Sulphate treatments, or if far enough along, then delivery. Higher bp's, upper right and left side pain, swelling in my left leg (typical), and quite a bit of swelling in my right leg, both hands, and possibly my face, the advice nurse wanted me to be evalulated in L&D. 

So far things are going well, the staff are quite busy, and we have one of the doctors that I like and have seen before. 

That truly is a blessing! 

Other than blood clotting concerns, this is the first time
I've been sent to L&D for reasons other than MAJOR PAIN! =)

Speaking of pain...

Pain has still been on the lower side!
Definitely still present, but the pain isn't going higher than my knee and is totally tolerable!

I'm so thankful for the release of half my pain!

12:05am- Saturday
Dr. just came in and said things all look good and I'm good to go.
I'm not totally in agreement with what the Dr has said and will continue to watch closely for Pre E signs and do my best to keep on top. 

35 Weeks 3 Days

Much less pain today. I was at a fairly steady level 7 pain and used heat on my ankle for most of the day, but pain hasn't been spreading above my knee. It seems like the outer foot pain, the nerve pain down my leg stemming from my back, and the super immense pain have seemed to take a break with the steroid injection! The pain I've been experiencing today I think is the bone spur. The pain is right there, on the inside of my ankle, helped by heat, and even though it hurts it's not as bad as it's been!!

I had an NST this afternoon and it went well. Blaire is progressing well and I'm still praying that her lungs are developing well as well as everything else.

It's official now and we're almost there!!! 

I have one more appointment with my OB before inducing and I'll need to sign papers to make sure Blaire does not get vaccines and to make sure she doesn't get the Hep B or 'anti-STD' goop put in her eyes. Both the Hep B and the eye goop are to protect against STD's. I know for a fact that I don't have anything like that.

Just a few more days to go!

Praying for continued relief in the days to come.

Meanwhile, I'm putting my "hospital list" together so I can pack!

35 Weeks 2 Days

So, yesterday I had the epidural injection and spent the day taking it easy and nearly pain free! 

And then 2am came around and all my pain came flooding into my foot and leg. Joseph was up most of the night massaging my leg and then when it was time to get up, I went to Dad for massage so Joseph could sleep. One day of relief... I gotta ask if I can get daily injections in the morning so my days go great =) Crazyness. . . 

As far as I know, 12 Days to go! 

I have all of Blaire's clothes washed and folded in her box and Mom/I need to sew the edges of her receiving blankets! Mom and I noticed that Blake is feeling warm and acting a little different so we think he might be getting sick. I hope it's over before Blaire comes so that he can see her right away!

Joseph said that he had a dream last night, in the few moments between massaging my leg, that Blaire was born but I didn't let him know she was born! And then he was driving her around town and she had a buzz cut of her blonde hair! haha

Joseph is getting the first set of apple boxes today. Hopefully I'll be able to go to the apt and supervise Mom's packing of our items. I'll pack my bookshelf just like I did last time, since I have a specific way of packing my antique books =)

Lots to do and such short timing to do it all!

35 Weeks 1 Day

I'm finding it more and more difficult to remember what day it is, the date, and how many weeks along I am! I think I'm driving Joseph nuts by my daily asking if he has "to go to work today?" haha

Yesterday I didn't have an episode, but instead had a good appointment with Dr.C. 

I've been knocking myself out in the evenings and nights with 

900mg Gabapentin to try and minimize the nerve pain. 

We woke this morning at 6:30am and had to be at the surgery center in Vaca at 7:15. Joseph took me today since Dad was unable to take me. It was a pretty quick check in and we were taken back to a room right away. Within 15 minutes pain began quickly and was spreading despite Joseph's intense massaging. 30 minutes after being there I was borderline level 10 pain. Half crying and half not, the doctor came in and answered any questions I'd asked thru my on and off tears. He explained what was to happen, but since I had an epidural with Blake, I was familiar with the procedure. 

Laying on my side and clutching the side of the bed I was wheeled down to the surgery room. At this level of pain my eyes are always clenched shut and today talking wasn't too difficult. I was able to answer questions pretty good. I was instructed to sit up with my legs over the edge of the bed (different than with Blake where I stayed laying on my side the whole time) and a nurse stood infront of me holding my hands. I leaned forward as far as I could over Blaire without being unstable. Breathing hard, half moaning, half humming, and eyes clenched shut, I tried to not move while the pain surged and stabbed it's way through my ankle, foot, and up my leg. 

The needle went in and it was so minimal I don't even have anything to compare it to... a splinter is more pain. Then I felt medium pressure in my spine where he was injecting the medications. That was more discomfort but still nothing compared to the pain in the rest of my body. The doctor kept reassuring me that we were almost through and I kept reassuring him that the pain was not being caused from him. I chatted, trying to distract myself, with the nurse and she asked about Blaire and all my pain. Everyone in the room heard, of course, and quite a few of them asked questions about my pain and all were quite appalled with my immense pain. They couldn't believe the pain I was experiencing in front of them was nothing abnormal. 

I was wheeled out to the recovery room where I was instructed to lay on my right side so hopefully the pain medication would go down the right leg and give me relief. Moaning, humming, tapping my fingers on the edge of the bed, eyes still clenched shut, I waited... I waited for the pain to go away but it didn't seem to want to. I might have dropped from a borderline 10 to a not borderline 10 and just a regular 9, but that wasn't the relief I was praying for. Dr came in and asked how I was doing and at the 15 minute mark he wanted me wheeled back into the room so we could try the procedure again. He apologized multiple times over the fact that he was unable to do it "right" (with xray guidance) the first time and that he felt that we needed to try again. Breathing hard and still unable to look at him I told him I was perfectly fine with doing it again. 

Instead of going back to the surgery room, he decided to do the 2nd procedure right there in the recovery room. I let go of the edge of the bed so that I could sit up and lean forward over Blaire. Once again I held the nurse's hands and once again I felt the needle's touch. Once again I felt the pressure of the medication being administered, but unlike before I now felt warmth in my upper leg. I let the nurse know, 

"my leg is warm. Oh, now my calf is warm. . . My foot is warm!"

I lifted my tear stained face to look at her and was finally able to state,

"my leg and foot pain is almost totally gone!"

From the time the Dr pushed the meds through his syrenge til the time I felt relief was about 3 seconds in all. From a nearly 10 pain down to almost gone!!

I laid back on my side, thanked the Dr, listened to his instructions for going home, and waited for Joseph to come back to see me. Within about 10 minutes I was fully dressed and was being wheeled out to the truck for the ride home. My legs were weak, but not so much that I was unstable. 

The rest of today has gone pretty well. I came home and put some ice on my back since it was aching (a normal side effect of the procedure) and skipped my 10am Dilauded. I'd spoken with Dr C. yesterday about dialing back on my pain killers if this procedure works.  By 2pm, my foot was aching some, but it's not the usual pain, it's the bone spur pain. I'm now able to distinguish the difference between the nerve and the bone spur pain much better than before. I put heat on my foot and went ahead on schedule and took the Dilauded. 

So far so good! I'm still taking it easy by staying in bed and using the scooter to not put additional pressure or movement on my ankle.
We shall see how tomorrow goes.
As for today?
God has definitely answered my pleas for help!

35 Weeks 0 Day

Appointment with Dr. C today.
Dad went with me and helped to fill her in on what's been happening at L&D.
She said they legally can not, NOT treat me.
She said there is no note in the system that says I can't be treated. 

Very odd. 

We are going to try and decrease my meds and if I end up having major episodes, 

then we'll continue to rush to UCD and if they say they can't treat me, I'll ask to see it. 

Overall the appointment went well. 

Good chance that I'll be induced July 27th. =D

Even though the pain today has been constant at a 7/8, I've not had a really bad episode.

Tomorrow morning I'm headed to the Vaca Surgery Center to have a steroid injection into my spine to see if it will give me relief.

Praying, praying, praying for relief!!

34 Weeks 6 Days

The last two day's posts ended up being drafts and remain unfinished.

Today I'll put it simply with two quotes from the L&D Dr.

"We only deal with things associated with the vagina. We don't deal with ankle pain."

"There is a note in the system, put in yesterday after your visit, that you are no longer to be treated for pain other than that associated with pregnancy."

34 Weeks 2 Days

Today I had quite the morning of pain. Kara was visiting and was able to entertain Blake while Dad, Joseph, and Mom helped me with massaging, ice packs, and heat packs. A few hours of pain passed in just enough time to get ready for my appointment with Pain Management in Fairfield (UCD P.M. still refuses to see me). Kara came with Me and Dad to the appointment. I was there to get 2 injections of Lidocaine in my spine at 2 different levels. When we got there we asked if I could get an injection in my ankle/lower leg as well since pain is really slamming me there. Doc said she would be guessing if she tried in the ankle becuase the nerves are too small and too hard to find. So she said that instead, she would stick my butt and "poke around" and find the sciatic nerve. I asked Dad to video the procedure and he did. He didn't record when my butt was stabbed multiple times, haha, but he did record the rest! I tried uploading them to this post, but was unable to do so!

When we left the appointment, I had to sit on my scooter because the strength of my leg was totally gone since I was numb! It was quite amusing! My foot/leg has been numb for hours and 6 hours later, I finally got some strength back in my leg. My pain level has been like....3-4?  Some niggling pain, but nothing severe. The bone spur part of my ankle has been in more pain though and is starting to build a little bit.

This afternoon I was quite tired and laid down to sleep. I basically passed out. Hours later I woke up to Blaire stretching and kicking up a storm! I think she was not happy that I was laying half on my tummy. Yes, I'm 34 weeks and can still sleep on my tummy comfortably! I fell back asleep and woke to my medication alarm going off. I tried to text my mom to find out what meds I needed but I was so out of it, I sent a crazy text that was made of half words or no real words at all! haha

34 Weeks 2 Days

When I was pregnant with Blake I so looked forward to his arrival. As soon as it was announced we were having a boy, we always called him Blake, not Baby. I was so excited to meet him and hold him. He was born and was taken away right away and I didn't get to meet him for 8 hours. They had me come in to hold him just before they transported him to UCDavis. 

When I held him it was the strangest thing. I looked into his face and my mind went blank. I didn't know what to think. He was no longer inside me, but in my arms instead. He looked at me and didn't make any sounds. I felt his swollen hands and feet. I rubbed his bright red legs and arms. 

I so wanted to cry because I didn't feel like he was anything special. 

I was in a room full of nurses and family members all excited to witness my first moment of holding my son and all I felt were their eyes on me. I didn't feel anything toward 'this Baby'. At that point he wasn't Blake, he was just a baby I was holding.

It took a few weeks for me to really feel like he was mine. I knew it would take some time, but I still felt very guilty for not loving him like I was "supposed to."

I totally felt with this pregnancy that I was having a girl. All the symptoms were so different, I just "knew" that it was a girl. We were able to find out the gender of the Baby and from that day, just like with Blake, we started referring to her as Blaire.

But, I have found it very hard to call her Blaire and have continued, for the most part, to refer to her as 'the Baby.'

Laying in bed this morning she kicked my hands and rolled over and all around. . . .

I thought of her arrival in less than 3 weeks and how I have not taken the time to enjoy her. . . .

I've been so focused on my pain that I couldn't even enjoy the nudges and kicks Blaire has been making. This whole time I've been waiting for this journey to be over and done with because it's been so stressful and so not enjoyable. 

To realize that I've been so detached makes me so sad. 

I'm not even able to find the proper words to describe it.
I've lost time and will never be able to get it back.

I always want to live in the moment and enjoy every aspect of life, but this journey has been so much. I always enjoy Blake, but Blaire has been forgotten. 

When I think of her, it's always in terms of sadness and pain.

It's not "she'll be here in 3 weeks!"

It's more like, "she'll be here in 3 weeks. We don't know if she'll handle the withdrawls okay." 

It's not, "she is moving!"
It's more like, "she isn't moving because I have so many drugs in my system."

It's not, "we're gonna bring a baby home!!!"

It's more like, "We don't know how long it will be before we can bring her home from the hospital. Not only does she have to get off all these drugs, but I do too. And we don't know what other issues she might have that will keep her longer in the hospital.

I've tried to be so positive about this all.

It's been hard in so many ways.

I know God is in control and He will make 

things work perfectly according to His will.

I remember what Jesus did for me, taking all my pain 

and suffering so I don't have to live in a horrible eternity.
I think of Him and know that I can deal with this.
He felt more pain than I and still continued in His Father's will.

But then to realize my lack of enthusiasm during this time. . .

During each immense pain episode asking, "Is she worth all this?" 

Begging someone, Anyone! to tell me that "she is worth this." 

Always saying "I can't wait for this to be over and done with forever."

. . . . . . . . . . .

That is a different emotion all together.

34 Weeks 0 Days

It's 10pm and I'm reclining comfortably in "my" bed watching Bones. I'm not in L&D or ER!!! I just hope tonight continues as today has gone. Mom took me to the Chiropractor this afternoon and I was able to do the back treatments again. My pain spike coincided with the time I stopped the chiropractor treatments so I asked if I could continue the treatments.

Today Ashley and I went through all Blaire's clothing. We are almost set! I need to buy a few sets of pants and maybe an extra sleeper or two for different months. Of course, I'll be buying some decorative elastic and sew some flowers on and make her some head bands!

I've been having some contractions but can hardly feel them. I can feel some sharp pains down low but I'm unable to recognize when my belly gets hard. Mom can tell, but it all feels the same to me! With Blake I was never able to distinguish between contractions and regular belly tightness. When I've had my NST's, the machine shows that I'm having consistent contractions and I'm dilated to 1cm. The other night I woke to a very odd feeling. I knew that I didn't pee my pants by the way everything felt, but it was strange and now am on the lookout for more leaking of the water bag. Blaire has been quite active today. I took one extra pill in the afternoon, but since I've not been loaded up with meds from the hospital, she has been able to function well today without being so subdued from the drugs. 

I so hate being on these drugs. I hate that Blaire will have to go through withdrawls. I'm praying that her lungs will develop quickly and properly so she won't need steroids to develop them. Also that she will go through withdrawls just fine so we can bring her home at 1 week old rather than who-knows-when. I've been learning new things from all the different doctors I've been seeing (literally) every other day (or more).

3 weeks and counting...

21 days (hopefully) to induction.

In an email, my OB said that I could deliver at 37 weeks, but I need to make sure she sticks to her word. I'm not ready to continue in this pain and all the trips for help, so I gotta keep her to her word at 37 weeks and not longer!!

Almost 34 Weeks

We have decided to take my dad up on his offer.

We are giving up our apartment and moving in permanently with my parents.
We already have been in their "guest room" for over a week and will be packing up our boxes of belonging and transporting our furniture to this house over the next few weeks. I'm completely on bed rest except for bathroom trips. I'm eating meals mostly laying down in bed or on the couch. 

There is too much to say. There aren't enough words to describe what has been going on so I'm going to give you the letter that I'm sending to my OB. I've been up at Labor&Delivery so many times, I can't even count them by now; I'm sure it's beyond the 20 mark.

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Hi Dr. C,

I’ve been having a very difficult time managing this pain. I’m driving up to L&D numerous times during the week to get additional help for relief. I’m taking 15mg MSContin every 6 hours and 2mg Dilaudid every 4 hours. A few days ago, one of the L&D doctors instructed to take a 4mg tab when I have an episode and see if that helps and might reduce my trips to UCD. So far, it has helped for 1 or 2 episodes, but not for the other 3 or more episodes. I’m completely on bedrest except for bathroom trips. I’m laying constantly in bed, even laying down to eat meals. It has definitely been better to lay down rather than to sit or stand, but the pain level is still high and is always present.

By the time I arrive at UCD, I’ve already had an hour of intense pain at home, endured 45 minutes being driven to UCD laying in the back seat while pain continues to increase, and by the time I’m at L&D waiting for help the pain becomes unbearable. Once finally being checked in and called back to a room it takes at least 60 minutes to get any medication  okay'ed by a doctor or delivered and even longer for some relief. I wait sobbing and writhing in pain, unable to lay still, and unable to answer questions correctly. Yesterday I was unable to state how far along I am/when I’m due, and that's something that is easy to remember.

I and my Mom/Dad have overheard conversations between nurses where it has been said, “can’t she manage her pain at home?” Another conversation was, 

Nurse who checked me in- “She is here again. What do you want me to do?”
Person on the walky talky device- “Again? Stop giving her meal trays!”
Nurse- “We haven’t been giving her any.”
Person on the device- “Put her in the lobby and wait an hour and see if she goes away.”
Nurse- “I can’t do that. She is the only one here in the lobby.”
Person on the device- “Well, I guess you gotta treat her then.”

& other nurses seeming to have little to no compassion for my situation while I’m dealing with severe pain. We have asked about when a doctor would be able to come and assist and the nurse replied, ‘ you just have to wait your turn.’
I’ve been put in back rooms with no air conditioner on and instructed to keep the door closed because I’m “upsetting the other patients” but they are in no rush to give me assistance. We opened the door for fresher air because of  the heated room and we have been told to close the door because there were patients down the hall and then have been given dirty looks from certain nurses because of my sobbing. I feel like they are treating me like I’m just there for a drug fix, rather than treating me like someone who is dealing with legitimate pain and someone who needs relief. 

 Is there something that is in my chart which would make them treat me like I’m there for something other than significant and crippling pain issues? I have no where else to go and the pain doesn’t go away on it’s own. Over the time I sit waiting for help, the pain just builds and builds. Never in my life have I been in this much pain.

Dealing with all this pain and misery, I should not have to deal with nurses who have an issue with me coming in for help.
Also, is there any way to get medication ordered for me ahead of time so that when I am in L&D every 2-3 or so days, I don’t have to wait so long for relief? As I stated earlier, by the time I’m getting minimal relief, it has already been at least 2.5 hours or more of severe and unbearable pain…
-Amber
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33 Weeks 2 Days

I woke up this morning with steady, but not intense, level 7 pain. I got up to crawl to the bathroom and back and my pain didn't increase. I crawled downstairs and my pain didn't increase. I sat at the table for 5 minutes to eat and then laid down on the couch with ice packs. 5 minutes later I was asking for a foot massage. By the time 10 minutes had passed, my pain had spiked to almost a level 10. 

Dad rushed us out the door to head to UCDavis. Panting, moaning, rubbing my leg/foot, and weaving through traffic, we got there just before tears started to fall. I scooter-ed up to the L&D. The receptionist was on the phone, chuckling and smiling... Nearly in tears I asked if she could get me in the system. She told the person on the phone to hold on. She said she would be right with me and then walked to the other side of the counter, picked up the phone and said,'Okay so the fax machine and printer..." I exclaimed and said "Really!?" Tears flew to my eyes and down my face. The pain was sooo bad and I'd been dealing with it for over an hour. I called out asking for help. No One Came. I sat on my scooter at an empty window slot and the doors opened next to me and a nurse leaving was passing me. I called and reached out asking if they could help me! The nurse didn't even stop. 

You got a pregnant woman leaning over handle bars of a scooter, sobbing in pain, crying out for help. and you couldn't even stop to say anything?! 

I then reached over the counter to the stack of papers. I filled out the paper they'd use to register me in their system and when I finished it, another nurse walked up and I slammed it on the counter. The pain was so bad I was shaking and couldn't even sign my name and it be readable. The new nurse instructed me to wheel out back to the lobby and wait. I couldn't even move so I sobbed next to the window until Dad came up to join me.

Within just 2 minutes or so I was told there was a bed for me. Dad pushed the scooter and then I fell into bed. The nurse asked me to put on the large belly band so they could monitor Blaire. I then laid in bed, writhing, sobbing, and hollering for nearly an hour before any nurse came back. I got an injection of pain meds which kicked in fully after about 15 minutes. I'd been in severe pain for 2 hours or more by this point.

This whole day is crazy. I don't know why I was in so much pain. Last night was the first time I didn't sleep on ice this whole week...
Could that be the only thing that caused this morning episode?

Dad and Chad are going out now to buy a new bed for me and Joseph to stay in the guest room. Mom and Dad will get their room back and I'll be able to be downstairs and be confined to bed completely except for bathroom breaks and dr. visits. If getting up is going to cause so much pain, then I won't be getting up at all.

33 Weeks 1 Day

Yesterday went pretty good. My pain was low enough that I didn't need to be massaged all day but it was present and nagging the whole day. It was a very low intensity pain. The most pain I had, kicked in around 2am. I discovered that if I sit on the edge of the bed with my left leg hanging over the side, and my right leg bent in front of me and I bend forward as far as I can go, the pain will disappear almost completely! But, as soon as I sit back up and am not stretching anymore, the pain immediately returns... I thought that was majorly interesting. Stretching my back open must be taking the pressure off that nerve which is being pinched. After being awake for just over an hour, the pain subsided enough so Joseph and I could go back to sleep. 

This morning my pain woke me around 8 am. It was a constant 7/8 pain but not intense. When we got up out of bed around 10:00, my foot had started to hurt so mom massaged it out for about a half hour. We all then threw on our clothes (rather than pj's) and got downstairs at the right time. A man from church who does prayer ministry for those unable to go to church came at 11am to meet with, annoint with oil, and pray for me. He said that tomorrow morning is when ALL the pastors/leaders of the church meet and pray. He said that they will definitely be praying for healing and relief from my pain. 

It's kind of a weird thought that so many people are praying for me (&Blaire). I know my family has been very diligent in praying for our situation and I can not even express how thankful I am for their support and prayers. But now that we have so many people at church praying and friends of friends of family praying, it is an odd feeling to know that so many people care enough to pray for us!

Today I went to pain management in Fairfield to see Dr. P and find out if she would be willing to help me out with pain relief while pregnant. UCD Pain Management won't see me for any reason! Dr.P was very enthusiastic about helping and it seemed like it was no big deal for me to be pregnant. So, she did two spinal injections of Lidocaine (numbing agent?) into 2 different levels of my spine. The procedure was not bad at all! She said that if it gives relief either in my leg/foot/ or back, she can do the injections every week til baby is born! So far my foot has had no relief but maybe it will help my back! We shall see!

We have been living with my parents for a week now. "Our room" is slowly being emptied out so Dad can buy a bed for the room. We have been sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed while Mom sleeps on the twin bed in my old room and Dad sleeps in his rocking chair down stairs. It's hard to believe it's been a full week that we have been here. It only feels like it's been a few days!

Yesterday I got a call from my OB, Dr.F, and she wanted to know how much activity/walking around I do. Apparently she spoke with the other OB who is concerned about blood clots. I told her that when I get out of bed in the morning I crawl to the bathroom and then I crawl downstairs to the couch and am parked there all day. She was quite surprised that I'm so immobile. She prescribed a daily injection of blood thinner for me. When I called the pharmacy they said Medi-Cal needs more information (of course, like always) and that if I wanted to pay out of pocket it would be nearly $500.00 for one fill . . .  CRAZY!! I can pay for my other prescriptions that are$20 each, but $500 is ridiculous and they'd just need to admit me for the issue.