23 Weeks 4, 5, & 6 Days - { 24,25, &,26th of April }

Friday we left for Fresno. In the morning, I had my chiro appointment then we ran a few errands in Fairfield before heading out Hwy 12. By the time we got to the gas station on the edge of 12, the worst pain episode I've ever had had begun. We spent the next hour and a half in a parking space. . .
I was in complete agony.
Ice didn't help, it actually made the situation worse. Joseph tried rubbing my back and then got out to come around my side of the truck to try and help from that side. I literally was bawling and nearly screaming from the pain the WHOLE hour and a half. Joseph pulled Blake out of his seat after a while so he could play in the driver seat. Before too long, Blake came over to give me besos and lay next to me and comfort me. Multiple times Joseph was ready to let me alone and drive back home and screw the 4 hour drive to Fresno. He couldn't pull himself away from helping me though. I took my Methadone, muscle relaxant, and Tylenol early and after 45 minutes of the pain not being helped, I took another Methadone and muscle relaxant. It took another 45 minutes for that to slowly kick in. I asked Joseph to chop up a Methadone with his pocket knife so I could sniff it up, but he forgot to bring his knife. After an hour, Joseph's rubbing my back/leg/foot was not helping, he stopped and just held on to me. I can't believe how hard it is to not just deal with this pain, but to watch him watch me. 

This pain makes no sense and Joseph took a 30 second video of the episode to show my doctors since they seem to not take me seriously. 

You hear of my pain. 

You read of my pain.
You give understanding comments and the more I go on,
I'm realizing the severity of this issue can't be comprehend . 

You can't understand this amount of pain because you haven't been through it.
You may deal with emotional or other physical issues but this...
THIS
is on a completely different level.
It can not be compared to ANYTHING you've gone through.
Labor and delivery of a baby on a daily basis would be nearly painless compared to this. 

For any of you wondering:
NO, MY PAIN IS NOT GETTING BETTER.
Read that sentence again.
MY PAIN IS NOT IMPROVING.
I'M NOT ON THE MEND.
I might have a good day or a good week once in a while, 

but that doesn't mean ANYTHING.

The pain ALWAYS comes back full force and then some.
Exercise will not help my pain level.
Eating certain foods will not improve my bulging discs or bone spur.
Going to a certain church at a specific time and going to a specific pastor will not help.
IF God wants to heal me, He will do so...
Where ever he wants, Whenever he wants, and through Whomever he wants.
All your advice makes you look dumb rather than helpful.
My pain is not just a simple little thing that can be helped by your idea.
I've seen Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist after Specialist....
Your simple solution will not fall on accepting ears. 

This pain makes me...
This pain controls me...

This pain is my demon...
This pain is unbearable...

This...
was the END of the episode when the pain pills were kicking in fully.

Pain worse than this went for an hour and a half...
And this was day 1 of going out of town.

The rest of the 4 hour drive to Fresno went fairly quickly. Since I had taken the double doses of Methadone, it was too much and I dealt with sleepiness and super dizzyness the rest of the day. I was definitely a little high on that med. No bueno but it got rid of the pain so I didn't care.
In previous posts, I've commented about the Pubic Symphysis Disfunction. The dr in training labeled it as the Ligament pain but she was wrong. This pain has spread into my backside too. For me to do anything, sit in a chair and pull my knee up at all will cause extreme pain in my tailbone area. Throughout the weekend that pain got worse and worse. In the mornings I had to move SO slowly out of bed and it was quite difficult.
I tried to finish making my dress with Mom's assistance but in the last 2 days my belly has outgrown the dress! Natalie and I made a quick trip to the mall to find a dress and our prayers were answered (literally) and we found me a great dress! 

During the wedding I used my scooter but for the photo shoot, I was on both feet. It wasn't painful, thankfully, but it was slow and difficult. By the end of the day, my tailbone was VERY pained and my left foot/leg was sooo swollen. By the time we went back to the hotel to lay down, me and Blaire were more than ready.

Nathan and Joseph went out to get Natalie, Blake & I some food for a 10pm dinner. I tried to eat at the reception but the foot made me sick and could only eat a bread roll and a half. Blaire wasn't very happy with me =) I ate half a burrito that Joseph brought me but it didn't settle too well. Blaire was rubbing against my ribs and I was quite uncomfortable from her and something else that I couldn't identify. I rolled over and went to sleep quickly. I think I might have felt so bad was because I went so long without food. I'd had a good breakfast but nothing else til 10pm. I'd had some juice to drink at the reception but nothing else. Dealing with my feet pain and the large pain obstacle of the tailbone was enough to think about. I don't think I multitask very well =)

It always irks me when people around me whine about minor
body aches when I'm right there silently suffering immensely.

During the night I had woken to use the bano and I couldn't believe how painful it was to sit up, put a knee on my scooter and push with the left leg. I though for sure I'd wake someone up with my gasps of air. Sunday morning my hands swollen left me very glad I'd packed all our things the night before. We left immediately after a quick breakfast. Joseph worked at 2pm and we had to get on the road in time. I started cramping by the time we got to Merced. Blaire decided to start Water Aerobics and did not help the situation at all! I laid down and when the cramping subsided a little, I was able to go to sleep and woke up when Joseph took our exit. 2 miles later we got home and once in the upright position the cramping came back full force. I hit the batthroom twice and then laid on the couch since laying seems to help. So far it has helped and the cramping has subsided for now... but Blaire is still exercising.

With the little bit of slow walking on the right foot, it hasn't made my pain worse at all so that has been wonderful! I know it's not the add'tl pressure to cause the major episode because two days previously I'd had another episode similar but at that time I hadn't been on my foot yet.