Revelation at 20 Weeks

I was standing in my bathroom this morning, doing my makeup and hair, when I got a sudden revelation. I wasn't thinking about my situation at all and all of a sudden, a boat-load of information flooded my mind... I told mom it was a "thought burst from God." 

Last night, while in massive pain, I was praying. 

I know He can heal me, but I know that it has to be His time and not mine. 

I don't understand why I have to suffer with all this pain. 

I'm having such a difficult time lately with keeping in mind that His way is best.

The frustration of the days is taking over and I don't know what to do.

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel or the reason for any of it.

Is He giving me an answer now to help me out? 

Not to heal me, but to help me.

Spring 2014: 

I saw Dr. G in Shasta for my back issue. He suggested that my bowel issue could be related to the Para Sympathetic Nervous System. 

Summer 2014: 

I had a conversation with Natalie about my bowel issues and she suggested that it was my body's stress response. Even though I don't feel stressed out, my body is (for whatever reason) and is showing it's stress by my bowel issue.

Fall 2014: 

I noticed a pattern of mind racing, nightmares, inability to shut my mind off to go to sleep, and bowel issue still persisting.

September 2014: 

I started having massive headaches not related to blood pressures and both Dr. G and Natalie's suggestions coincided in my head. I visited my primary care, Dr. D. He agreed with their suggestions and started me on Elavil, an Anti-Depressant to control my symptoms and minimize headaches.

For a 4-5 week period from September to end of October, I had minimal pain. It was the strangest thing. Maybe every couple days I'd need a Tylenol for foot pain, but the pain I was having was completely manageable/tolerable with almost no medication. I wasn't doing anything different except taking the Elavil.

End of October to November my pain came back and I started taking Ibuprofen which helped the pain a lot. I went to my foot dr, Dr. T and he gave me a cortizone injection to help with the Tendonitis pain in my foot. The steroid injection jacked up my bg's for 3 weeks and I had minimal pain during that time too. 

That's when I got pregnant.

With high bg's and minimal pain!

The Cortizone wore off after a few weeks and my pain returned.

I stress out about my dr appointments every time. I hate to have to deal with them, their expectations, the failure I feel they're looking at me with, and just anxiousness about what they're going to say.

I noticed a pattern today that at my dr. appts, they increase my Methadone and I do pretty well, pain wise, for up to a week or week and a half... then my pain starts to rise and my next appointment, 3 weeks later, they up the Methadone. I do pretty well with my pain for about a week, week and a half, then pain starts to rise... As I Anticipate The Next Appointment....

A few days before my Idaho trip I did really well. I was excited to go and enjoy the relaxing break. The 2 days before the trip, I was running errands, dealing with high bg's (resistance?), and hot weather... pain kicked in big time.

The day of the trip, when we left, I was in minimal pain on the drive there and had only one episode of major pain while there. My pain kicked in once we drove back into California. I'd started thinking about my dr visits this week, coming home to a messy house, dealing with people in general, thinking of planning to get Blake back home, taking care of him and pain/bgs/house.... Everything combined stressing me out and the pain grew...

Is my body showing my stress through pain and the para/sympathetic nervous system?

Should I maybe increase the Elavil instead of the Methadone and see if that helps? 

It seems worth a try.

Keep my mind clear and focus on the enjoyment in life rather than the stress of life...

Also, while on the trip, I think I realized what my "injury" was that hurt my back. My back didn't start hurting until after I met Joseph. Before him, it was always ONLY foot pain. When we met, we went to a park in Davis which had a concrete slide that we went down on cardboard. At the bottom was a 2'-3' drop straight down. I didn't realize there was such a large drop until I landed on the ground. It hurt SO bad that I could barely walk for a while after and didn't go down the slide again. I took it easy but sitting and walking at that point was painful. Over these years I've had a tough time sitting on hard surfaces because it kills my tailbone... 

I thought this weekend that maybe that was the time that I injured my back and possibly bruised my tailbone. With all the sitting I've done lately the tailbone pain has been very present. The car ride home from Idaho was mostly the tailbone pain, before the back and foot pain. This is the most amount of sitting that I've done over the years and that is why I'm now noticing it. . . .