9 Weeks 5 Days

I went to bed last night with a headache and the plan to take a norco around midnight, before my pain kicked in. Then take another at 4 am to hold off the pain until I woke up with Blake. Instead, I woke at 10:45, a little more than two hours after my previous norco. Joseph rubbed my calf, and I rubbed my foot against the sheets trying to numb it a little bit. It didn't work. I finally got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. I took another norco which stacked it on top of the previous dose and waited for it to kick in. Joseph got up to put the heat pack in the microwave and I started soaking my pillow with tears. The pain wasn't super intense in my ankle, but in my calf and no matter how hard Joseph rubbed it, my calf still throbbed. My headache was getting worse and then I realized that I had missed my afternoon Elavil. I took the Elavil and a norco and it took so long for the pills to kick in. The pain finally slowed down around midnight. I had gotten up to hit the bano and that is when I realized that in all my writhing around, I had ripped my infusion set out and didn't even feel it. Joseph put a new set in and I set my alarm to take another norco at 2am. That way I wouldn't be stacking doses and surprisingly I slept solid til 5am when Joseph's alarm went off for work. I was soooo tired. I slept solid after he left until 8:45. Blake was still asleep, which was nice, and didn't wake up til about 9am. My blood sugar was 65 after treating it with some grape juice. I took another norco when I started walking about. My back is aching, but it isn't too bad.
I'll be starting Methadone this evening before bed. Once I start it, I can no longer take my Norcos....

I'm finding it difficult to manage my pain and pay attention to my sugar levels too...

This pain especially during the night is getting to be so much. 

I don't know how I will bear this for another 6 1/2 months. 

I guess that is where I have to lean on God even more.
He is the only one who can carry me through.